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Wednesday, January 27, 2016; 5:17 PM
We need goal in lives so as we could live meaningfully. After school and after university completed, what is coming next.... I am lacking of motivation and goals here. Bing stagnant and no goals in lives is seriously not good at all. I live each day by each and work part time that earn pretty less. Sometime I wondered why I take up such a low pay job and not doing well in career, relationship, family and such. The part time money I earned only allow me to survive bill and debt for each month exactly without saving a single cent at all. Is that all is about in life? Everyone will die eventually but what I
Will I have achieved? I know I am being very pessimistic here but come on ... Given the fact that I throw into shit circumstance and everyone around me including parents don't give a damn, what else would I do.
Sometime I just want to escape and be free but I am afraid. I am constantly worried about everything Including myself and people around me. Thought worry never helps much but I still worry. Would I forever worry and never get to live freely once. I want to be feel free and satisfied but I don't seriously. Why I get myself into this situation and why I am so pitiful.... Drowning myself in self Pity is never good for ones. I keep smiling and assuring others everything is fine, but why can't I assure myself that.
Quotes and sayings by others is motivational I supposed but don't u think that we are self deluding ourselves and motivating ourselves. Perhaps that the keys to living and perhaps when u are finally under the ground you understand lives.
For now, I don't at all.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012; 11:20 PM
Been a long time since I had logged into blogspot.
Suddenly feel so tired and depressed.
I am tired with all the drama around me and the envy.
When I look at the FB and saw many people going overseas like Hungary, Iceland, Paris, New York, Christchurch etc....
I am super envy!!!! I can't even afford to go on a decent trip to batam or even malaysia....
I always think of studying overseas and have a great experiences there and make many foreign friends...
I hope for many things but then I dont have a chance at all...
feel so pity ....
Wake up.....who cares !!! shut ur stupid boring n suck thinking pls...stop thinking!!!!
Monday, May 2, 2011; 8:51 PM
You can hate me, you can love me, I don't care what you think about me.
I been thinking much about lives.
It seems to me like everybody is either surrounding their life with studies or work.
SO much as to see....
weekdays we go for school/work. Go home eat and bathe then sleep....the next day wake up and go for study/work....
weekend relax but tired too go out after working during weekdays...
then sunday come and haix wtf tmr need to work...
a routine and a routine....just for the sake to survive in this society...
how can we say we truly enjoy life while we do it earning for what we spend...much worse is that spending what ur parent earn without knowing how hard they work...
lives is unfair seriously...rich become richer while poor become poorer.....
Thursday, April 14, 2011; 9:25 PM
I never give much though to where I want to go and what would I do.
I can be a leader and follower but I choose the latter, to the point that people would ignore me about a situation and do what they want about it.
Things aren't what I expected. If it is to my expectation, things would be much easier and less astonished.
Still having that stupid fantasy dream and I didnt want to give up. Therefore hoping to give my last ever chance once again.
Hope and wish everything that I hoped for will happen...miracle to happen to me......
I wish I hope I yearn....
Monday, April 11, 2011; 7:48 PM
Helpless.....Useless.....Empty......Depress......Hopeless.....
Thing change fast enough that you can't cope with it......
I have a new perspective on thing and I do not very well like what I found, though it seriously reflect that I am right, I would not want to act that way.
Tears swelled up my eyes but I refused to surrender to the pleasing voice on my mind to cry it out.....
I will get strong till I won't see the vulnerable me again...
I hate myself for the vulnerabilities and situation I am in.......
Constantly hoping for miracles but it did not appear...
It dismiss my last hope entirely till I am like a wounded soldier, feeling super tired and dread that I would seriously wanna have a long good sleep......
Saturday, April 2, 2011; 2:25 AM
I am so happy that I get into psychology for NUS.
It had been what I wished for during this past few weeks.
NTU enrollment form should be coming soon,
which is electrical and electronics engineering.
I am seriously troubled by which to accept.
I am not at all pleased with my current situation. I wanted to accept the offer but something pull me back which is financial. I am quite uncertain about what I am going to face and thus having a lot of fear.Although I know that never let the fear strikes you from playing the game,
I am still afraid to do what I want to do.I know financial is a big issue here but
I just can't do anything except to pray for miracle to happen. Sometime I do grumble why I am not born with a silver spoon
and why I just can't live a life that is great and fill with lots of fun.Things isn't fair as if I think is fair, some will think is unfair.I really scared my lives in university will be the same
as what my lives is in secondary school and polytechnic. I just wish I make a correct and great choice
and make things go to the perfect path that I wish I would.Passion for psychology or stable job for engineering???
Which is which, I don't know.
May someone give me decent advice and make me see the light.....
Please GOD.
Sunday, March 27, 2011; 9:22 PM
I didn't give much thoughts on plenty of things till today.
The more I think, the more frustrated I am with myself.
I hate myself for my uselessness.
I hate myself for not having money.
I hate myself for not having beauty.
I hate myself for not having figure.
I hate myself for everything...anything....