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Monday, July 28, 2008; 10:57 PM
Any kinds of personalities could be seen in poly lives.
Meeting a lot of people with different attiutde and styles of doing things, I don't really adapt to their style but then no choice but to follow.
I felt that i am lacking behind seriously and I seriously think that I am an eye-servant.
Today I felt so depressed that i felt like crying but tears were too dried to be shred.
I am bothered by the fact in my lives and i just think that my belonging here is treated invisible gradually and i don't like it.
All of my best friend are forgetting me, I hate that and I don't want it to be that case; I hope things will remain as before and stay the same with time passes although it is impossible, I dream that it would happen.
Memories is past but then i tend to live in it which cause me to remain where i am without progessing.
Finding true self back is so difficult that you will give up searching or lost while doing the search.
Finding winter a cool place to stay and summer a hateful place to stay.
Finding the sea a vast place with uncontollable wave which carries ones to somewhere they don't know.
Hope that i will be carried to some place better by the sea waves.
Sunday, July 27, 2008; 9:16 PM
For this past few days, I have met a lot of people which i have long lost contact with.
I started to think that why lives cannot remain the same as before,
Why can't we be the same as when we meet and why can't thing stay the same as before.
I was wondering will it be great if it is the case which i think it would be.
Seeing them let me have a lot of flaskbacks which involved betray, fun.joy and setbacks.
Seeing how stupid i am and how i manage to go through it, started thinking that I realised that i have indeed changed a lot.
I don't know what personality i have changed into but then i am afraid of this change in deep.
Maybe i should not say that i don't know, in fact i should say i know the change but then i wanted to run away rom this change so i prefer the choice of i don't know.
I saw people around me changed to, whether it is because of my attitude shown to them or what matter the case, I don't like it.
I feel so sorry for myself as i already don't know who i am.
Whether i am the girl who you all make friend with it during secondary or earlier, I cannot give you the answer as i also don't know whether i am the same as before.
The society is cruel so does the fact, I don't wan to know any fact that involved in lives, It just make my lives hurts even more.
I will not shred a tears as it is too dry for any tears to be shred.
I feel so empty and so depressed whihc i don't know how to voice out or i choose not to tell;to be precise.
Bleeding in my heart and smile on my face, Whether i am really happy that no answer to it and i don't care anymore.
Not feeling anything else but painful, Not kindness but cruel , not sweet but bitter, not colourful but black and white, not beautiful but ugly, not pure but stain and prefect but corrupt.
In my lives there is not warm, no matter how hard ones try i cannot feel it as i feel the coldness in my heart.
Hate myself for being like that, hate that the lives drove me to change and i hate this change.
Labels: hateful thingy
Friday, July 25, 2008; 1:02 AM
I don't understand the fact that I am feeling so depressed.....
Nvn i don't wish to brought it up, just let it go ba.....
I don't know whatto write as i got lots to say but then i don't know what and how to say.....
I mean I felt so useless and think that i am a thorn in everybody flesh and wat so ever la.....
The feeling of just started have not kicked off yet and then i felt so lonely lo......
I mean like seeing a lot of peple walking pass you but then you are lost in the crowd......
No one to offer help and no one to approach, the passer-by just bumped into your shoulder and walked away without saying sorry; it was like I am invisible or i am too small to make them noticed me.....
Feeling so stress and those days moodnot that good....losing temper always without my notice...so horx don't try to mess with me this few weeks or not you sure will suffer lo....just an advice onli can choose to ignore......
Today swimming lesson finish with me improving, I ate with yu yun in school after that...
Eating KFC, Can't believe myself lo been eating three days fast food lo....i think so la but not that sure.....
I don't understand everything that happrns now and i feel so strange and painful....
I smiled everyday in front of others so as to mixed with them....
No matter how close, we are still far apart...wakaka so actually i feel so much to eb sad but then make a smile....Fake right ?????
Sunday, July 20, 2008; 10:07 PM
One more post for today ba i think as that post is about ndp 08 nothing much lo.......
As usual,i still hate poly lives.
ANd still got the feelign that just started poly and
i can't find myself get into the circle of it.
And i just feel so sad and so empty which i cant help it lo.....
Already facing so many stressful things at home and at poly,
i don feel like going home or going to school but then
I force myself to go as i promise you that i will try to do my best in studies.
I try very hard not to be emo no matter what happen and
how hard the poly lives have put me to
and i put a smile everytime alhtough
i feel so much and wan t to cry.......
At home I feel so stress feel like
less warm but more noisy and more cold...
feel so much to run away but then i hold on to it.....
I feel so stress and
haha today u ask mi to go study at mac with others....
I feel quite happy as i get to be relieved from stress or wat at that moment of time....
I feel so nice to be with u all
although actually we not studying la
but then i feel so happy lo.....
I means sitting with u all,
i feel so comforatble and
i no need to be mind of what i say and what i do
and i feel that i not stressful with other thingy lo......
I ge to put down my stressful thingy aside lo
so i like to study with u all a lot....
SO sorry that i being not mindful abt wat i say
and everything la
as i just feel happy that i get to release some stress
but then seem bad to me now
so nvm liao...kk....then ...
thq and sorry
Thursday, July 17, 2008; 12:08 AM
Hai everything i also don know, everything i also blur, wat the use of studying lo.....
ppl cant rely on mi to do things as it will turn out to be a bad choice...
Looking down onmyself,yup precisely i am....
thinking that livind is a hectic yes is true as i don know live for wat but then just live for the sake of living and horx think that there is nothing as orever in my dictionary even thougth i say forvever it means for-ever....
Does get ti see agian and think and u will know and i think seriously la no matter how bad or beautiful it is that not forever but for-ever.....
I hate myself being so guai now.don know who i am now lo....
The confidence me disappear into thin air liao ma....i hope not lo..hope to find her agian esp the cheerful ones for sure...
Emo is really emo and then wat abt elmo is it emo too...
Living in virtual world is fantastic so let it be lo....hope the dream will not end n then continue to fall asleep in my lala land which i can be a lala girl singing lalalala ...lol
cheer up wat that don care liao la...meo also one day lo...funny then haha angryt then hahaha sad also haha wat matter is thta i haha but then emo lo.....
elmo time????qustion and answer ma???watever la and anythign don care liao....what time is it??? hey i also don knwo in speed travelling time lo...lame horx ...hohoho..wakakakak....
Labels: lame
Tuesday, July 15, 2008; 2:36 PM
Slowly accepting the fact that the one me is dying slowly and it will be recovered or not,I don't care as i already have no control what i am doing.
Wanted to be myself but then the obstacles just let me take more and more backward till i am far behind from the starting point.
The journey is long and tiring,wanted to give up but then regain confidence but in the wrong way.
I accepted the facts that i am always lonely andno one will ever treated me than more than invisible,The lock got tighter and more closed in deep.....
I freeze everything that i have including lives, I freezethe liveswhich i am living and don't want to move forward or even no strength to walk.....
What matters it is, i don't give a damn to it liao, I just can't be what i wished i would be or could be sow hy don't i just let every days pass as it is andwish for nothign but forthigns to disappear.
Labels: nto anything else but emo
I don't dare to hope for more but to hope for everything becoming fine for me.....
Hope verything return to its pace and then the steps which i have taken is correct from the start,i don't want to realise that i made the wrong turns or what halfways as it normally means i will give up sooner or later....
I already started to feel so empty and feel that i am not myself anymore,i change from who i am and then the person that was awaken was like so different from myself that i don't even recongise.
Why is it so????
STrength to walk increases but then i don'twant it to increase in this way....
I already losing my sense of direction and find myself walking deeper into a dark tunnel which i am lost totally with my fear and loneliness to accompany with and then i grow more sad and more not being myself.......
I want to be myself not like the girl which are the reflection of me but totally not me.....
I want to be free of it nomatter how tough the road is i want to be free.....
Hold me tight inner soul you are about to disappear so please try not to as i don't want you to too......
Labels: sad again ma?
Friday, July 11, 2008; 12:52 AM
TOday is such a normal days,I do what i do as usual like watching anime and show and play online mini game.
Today ia slo eat a lot of chocolate as feeling a ittle down becuase today when i am in my class i felt so odd.....
Imagine thta they are 19 perosn in ur class and then all are in pairs when work then i am the onli one being left out doing the thingy myself,....
I also have nothing to say to others as i don get well in social and then this cause me to feel lonely.....
HAha i am okeis liao,,,in past i will bother but now no more.....
Lonely is such an small word but a big world...
In this world a , lots of answers can be found is jst that whether how u look i feel like looking a the correct way so that i won feel lost or wat....
SO beinglleft alone so wat i am myslef too and i can do things too,although not fantastic,but then i can make a different by myself with mininmum effort.....
ALl are unique.......No matter how bad or how unlucky u r...u r unique being urself don be who others wna u to be......
Wednesday, July 9, 2008; 12:24 AM
I don;t understand what the teacher talking about at all lo...so blur but nvm i don stress wan.....
MAybe when exam coem then i knoe ba...
HAha today do nothing but watch show agin haha lend two show from the library which is the little mermaid and the sound of thunder...
Finihs in one days and i stillw atch anime from online......
HAha voice from distant star is nice,stillg to some more forgot liao...haha....like the anime andshow so much...hahaa
Tuesday, July 8, 2008; 12:33 AM
Today i slept during lecture lo...cannot believe it haha...miss out the whole thing that teacher saying......
I been watching show and anime and dvds these days......
Haha watched back quitelong show but then find it ncie lo...i like the howl the moving castle,spirited away,hannah montana song and it rocks lo....
anime watchinf from what others recommeneded asmy anime all stopliao need tow ait for season two so sian lo......
Now watching happiness,myself yourself and true tears.
Learn that in lives never envy what others have but in fact trying to accept the fact that i don'thave it.
Lonely is nott he feeling that everyone should be feeling though you are alone that is nature and warm sun accompany us through.
Sunday, July 6, 2008; 10:02 PM
Hearing from my friends there is an anime cosplay in downtown east,i felt like going but then i miss it.....And i also miss the cip thingy that the class plan to go together.....Seem like i missing a lot of things haha...I tried my bestnot be emo so i try all mybest to do it.CHanging my blogskin,songs,diaplay picture,posting and spending time on thinmg that will keep me out of emo.....HAha i play games and use com and see anime and drama and movie..haha things changing i not emo as before and i fele likemyd ay are so com and tv but haha nvm at least not so emo...feel quite gd but then feel bored anyway haha
Saturday, July 5, 2008; 5:25 PM
Today i came back from the night cycling then haha i don't have a chance to go home straight after that as i got mentoring briefing....I met yu yun and went in together but then i went off first as i am feeling a little bit unwell.The night cycling was fun that what i can say but there is somehting i do not like about the activities si that me myself don't know how to ride the bicycle too well,in the end causing the group to be the last....As i say i do not know how to control the bicycke wellso basically i almost fall down everytime haha avoid those big injuries but still got minor hurt and minor sratch...The feeling of staying at night is so freedom i mean as no much people there is like so quiet and so peaceful.I liked it and the night beeze is cooling too that help us to cool down ourselves as we are perspiring all over...Haha hand and legs aching,omg so weak lo like no strength like that.....Think yesterdayw e cycled more than 30 km...as it is night cycling cannot sleep so haha so tired fall asleep at mrt on way home but it feel nice to let go of other views on you.Labels: night cycling
Wednesday, July 2, 2008; 10:36 PM
Today I went to consult a doctor as I am having some minor flu and sore throat from last time.
The queue in the polyclinic was so long lo,I waited for about two to three hours lo...I forgot whether takign of medicines included in it ma.....
Then I rushed back to school to help with the project.
Thought of buying the cd or rent it for that project,haha then find out that library can rent without charges....We rent the charile and the chocolate factory for the project...
I never sort of contribute to the project due to consulting doctor so I went home to do a short powerpoint on it.
Haha i rent dvds from the library to watch which is not relevant to the project la....lol....
Although the show i rent quite old liao but can la...want to rent the chipmunks and the dong hai zhan want and etc but then on holdshelf or not already rent by others.
Soin the end i rent the shark tales and the nightmare before christmas...haha old right but then i watch liao so nice lo....
Hahah this is also finding things to go so won't think too much and i think it helps a lot....
Labels: Change for the best and not the worse
Tuesday, July 1, 2008; 10:38 PM
Just change my blogskins but i think the last time skin is nicer than this but then nvm lo...lazy to change liao unless i am really free la......
Time will wash away everything,it will left a trace behind but then you will not be able to get the feeling of it fully when you first experience........
Then you will think you know how it is to be but then you don't really know.....
I getting tired of everything slowly and of course,lives.
I am sick today but then no onw notice unless i tell but then when i tell the care was so minimum that i wish i never tell as it will make me feel better that way.
Cry for the fact that i am who i am now and not before and cry for the fact that i am living in this world.
Explore the World
♥Darwin Blog
February 2008
