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Thursday, October 30, 2008; 10:06 AM
I don't know what i am thinking..I just feel that i am so sad and think myself so useless...No one really understands what i am feeling...as even i don't really understands myselfI hate this...I am not like that before..Why did i become like that...Confidence decresed to zero..completely zero...WHy is it so...I am so useless..Everything i do can't seem to be right,it seem all wrong...I am in this world but i do not belong here..COmpletely so different....I did felt like that before but then i never felt any worse then now...Am i really so stupid or even so small to be notice my present....I am always like an invisible person in front of u all...DOn't understand lesson don't make me derserve it....I don'tknow....kind of lost in the mist....Whatever the case...I will smile for the sake of smiling....I don't wan to be sad but want others happy so i did my very best to share it...The more i smile,the more my heart shred a tears and bleed....IN LIVES THERE IS A LOT OF REGRET
BUT SOMETIME THE CONSEQUENCES IT BRINGS
IS REALLY SO PAINFUL TO HANDLE OR TAKE IT
I REGRET FOR EVERYTHIGN IN MY LIVES
AS I REALISE I HAVE MADE A VERY WRONG CHOICE WHEN I FIRST STARTED IT...
ENDURING HELP MA??????
I REALLY DON'T KNOW
FEEL SO TIRED THAT I AM GOING TO GIVE UP SOONER OR LATER..
ICE MELTING WILL EVENTUALLY CAME TO A STOP
BUT MY HEART ACHCE WON'T STOP CAUSE I AM LIVING
Wednesday, October 29, 2008; 6:55 PM
I might seem alright to you but look closer u will see tears in my eyes....
What is lives actually?
I have no ideas what it is....
Surely i can just shout it out loud that my lives is nothing to be look forward too and to live with it.
I am not trying to be exaggerating here....
It is the truth....
Dreaming of all the fantasy and seeing the fantasy of fairytales...wish it could really happen on me....
MAybe that why i love watching cartoon till now ba....
For others it is childish but to me it might mean a lot of thing.....
I live for myself and not others so iwon care what u say i act cute or childish watever...that what u say i am me....
That why i don like to care abt my appearance as the more i care the more i care abt views frm others......
Maybe think i am ugly so that y ba....not sure leh....
Watever lo.....
now watever and anything ler......think last time i care like shit of other views on me....lol...
NVM ignore this post i don know what bi writing....
I have my muay thai training sport elective today.....erm i am so baka was alway hit by my partners....
LUckily pair with girl or not i cry
so violence
i wan to hit but then end up like gentle touch like that the coach said to me.....
then pity me was kick a lotof times...kenlian....
Tuesday, October 28, 2008; 8:55 PM
I thought what i did will at least make a slight changes to your attitude toward me, but then i was wrong.
My day today was so what(english bad don't know how to say)
I mean i am at great mood in school but then when i reached home, mood suddenly become like hell..
Wanna to shout for help....
I try my best to do what u all parent want me to do but then i realise what matter how i do, i cannot change anything....
Throwing what ever unhappiness on me....why is it so....
I mean u all don bother ot care about me then why bother to care about me when u got thing wan to nag about.....
I don't know la....
DOn't really know how to express it.....
Living in misery wanna to end it...don worry!!!
won kills myself de......=.=爱是伟大的
世上惟有这个爱是无微不至的
我想要再一次拥有这份爱
拥有了而失去的痛苦好不好受
是自己的错吗?
我好懊恼....
别胡思乱想....
我说的是父母亲的爱,不是爱情.....=.=
我都没男朋友....
别乱猜疑了........XD
Monday, October 27, 2008; 8:58 PM
I have not idea what to blog just blogging for no reason as too sian le ba...
oh okies blog till here and then off le...
update soon when i got thing to blog lol...
Sunday, October 26, 2008; 1:09 AM
After the ME leftA small puddle was left behind where she was.A puddle off from the girl's tears.For some reason,It was very deep.Immeasurely deep.I felt like i was being dragged to the bottom.I am actually confused because I am alone.Even in the darkness,I am sure it is reassuring to have someone there to walk with me.I like my happy side who is ME,but then i also hate it.It is agonising to no longer be able to like the things i like.Friday, October 24, 2008; 8:47 PM
Torn apart by the fury within.....
Needless to say, things are not same anymore....
A joke or a laugh, hurt my heart deeply as the smile is not from it....
I see Fake thing from around....
All i wanted is happiness but then i came back hurt badly....
All i got back was a broken heart......
You can sew a broken heart back but there will always be a wound
present that allows it to be open wound again....
No matter how hard i try,
the heart sew back but the wound is the one making me suffer.
NOTHING I CAN SAY
NOTHING I CAN DO
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER
NOT EVEN THE LOVE OF WHICH WE SURE IT WOULD
SO EVERYHTING I CAN SAY
AND EVERYHTING I CAN PRAY
IS THAT IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND
ONE DAY
叶子的离开是因为风的追逐还是树的不挽留.
叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀,
当被风追逐是会落在不知名的地方,
树的不挽留让叶子死了心.
FLOWERS WILT DUE TO LOST OF CARE BY THE SUN, WATER OR LOST OF CARE?MY HEART IS WILTING WITH THE LOST OF CARE AND BEING ISOLATED BY OTHERS,LIVING IN A POSITION OF FACING HUGE WIND BLOWING AND ALSO SUBMERGED BY TOO MANY POLLUTED STUFF TILL I ABOUT TO SUFFOCTAE.
THUNDER IS WHAT MY HEART FEELING. STORM IS ABOUT TO RAGE AND TO BE TRUE I AM SCARED SO THUNDER. I AM WEAK AND I ADMIT I CANNOT HANDLE ALL THIS FOR MYSELF AND HENCE CAUSING UNNECCESSARY TROUBLES TO HUI XIANG. SORRY TO YOU AND THANKS.
RAINBOW I HAVE NOW SEEM IT FOR LONG. I LOVE HTE RAINBOW AS I BELIEVE IT IS A BRIDGE FOR ANGELS TO CROSS BUT THEN I ALSO HATE IT AS IT IS TOO BEAUTIFUL. WHEN YOU SEE IT, YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY BUT THEN MY WORLD IS BECOMING BLACK AND WHITE AGAIN. WHY IT IS SO???????
LONELY IS THE DESERT.HEART FEEL EVER LONELY AND ALSO COLD. I KNOW YOU CARED FOR ME AND I APPRECIATED IT.HOWEVER, I REALLDY DON'T KNWO WHY I AM BEING TREAT SO DIFFERENTLY BY PEOPLE. I AMALWAYS BEING LEFT OUT AND THEN BECOMING SO PATHETIC.
我不想再流泪但却忍不住的闪了泪光. 为什么我身在那一处都仿佛多余.
我想要的只是简单的生活,但为什么就是那么的艰难困苦.
天使的翅膀,能不能守护着我?
现在的我随时都可能崩溃或是放弃...........
童话故事真的全都是假的吗??
Thursday, October 23, 2008; 1:57 AM
Finally i manage to have my blogskin done...
I been spending hours to it....
Today i so angry lo...
My laptop was intially spoilt and cannot even boot up for two days...
I even bring to school to ask those guy who were good in computer to check for me and even book timeslot for IT services and they could not do anything but give up.....
Then today iw ent to acer service desk with hui xiang pan peng and yu yun....
Then i went in, the person askled me what porblem then i told hi then he wanted to check...
Then you know what...
The laptop came back to live can work le without any mechanical support done to it....
What so ever la so angry lo....
I try so many times cannot then suddenly can there...
Making me so ps and bu fu qi....
KK don grumble too much..gtg go slp le....
as tired le cause of the blog skin do so long...lol...
Sunday, October 19, 2008; 11:55 PM
Thign are not getting as well as i thought it willbe when time passes on....
But then i am damn worng....
Thing get worse and erm in fact i don't even know what is wrong and correct...
I am being totally lost in the mist and i think i am such a baka to think that things will be different even i don't care....
I hate it from who i am and where i am....
I regret and then regret does not help but can't help feeling damn regret and sad.....
I don't wan to see u shred your tears again, even if htere is time when u shred it must be crying out of joy.....
I hope this apply to mi but oo bad is not....
I think of thing as too fancy and daydream till so unreal...but i cant help as real thign don happen to me and also it is cruel....
cruel fate i hate it.......
Thursday, October 16, 2008; 12:42 PM
maung maung!!! miss a ll the timewe have together and think u are doign well there haha miss ur jokes and the time we eat in classroom.
Keng Keng!!! Long timenever see ler....
haha compare to u now and this photo u changed a lot to be more handsome....
More fashionable....
u too doing well there and quite busy right....
Hai nvm hope to see u soon!!!!!!
Next time go out together kk??????
SO PS....
my photo in secondary school website....
I hate that photo lo..so fierce like that....
Don look like me at all....i think la....
Seem like all choose to go junior colleage onli me choose poly...
But somehow regretted it.....
nvm regret is regret cannot be changed....
in life there is somuch thing we regret and cannot be changed....
That y you cant hesitate when it is the time to give it the best u could.....
In poly i regret but nvm still trying to do well but seem difficult somehow.....
Zhao jingdon wan to say le.....
good guy but hmmdon know how to sya lol
this few day having terrible dizzy why why???
never consult a doctor....
Nvm lai will try totkcmayeb toomuch pro causign it?????
Labels: SO PSPS
Wednesday, October 15, 2008; 3:56 PM
Nowadays having some head spinning problem...don know why
Haha today start of gems and eh ps horx keep asking'you' abt el word as my el is so so so limited.
Die ler la everything also remain at the dot no improved nothing.
HAi lose hope le....
I found out somehting which i am very disappointed in and eh i donknow how to phrase...
Painesscome fromwithin myself so odeshappiness is aid i wan tobe happy so i can ba....
When there is a will there is a way.....
I realise wat i believe in is wrong and eh sort of being bluff throughout but nvm a preety good lesson learnt....
I know that is the nature and so i don mind.
K la nothignt o blog or not emo thing will come out le....
Tuesday, October 14, 2008; 7:22 PM
I want to watch those movie haha include the 20th century boys.
But then nvm....don't have the chance ba it think....
I think it is sotiring each day at school...no cca and eh not doing well...
Nvm la i don think too much as i amsad enough to be more sad....
Seem that my studies get from bad to worse but nvm lo.....
I am okies....
Outting a strong front indeed i admit...
Got problem but nvm i can take it by myself....
Damn dizzy now so sick....
Monday, October 13, 2008; 9:11 PM
Tmr second day of studying....
For today nothing new just that hte whole day i being daydreaming and half awake when listenign to lecture.
Got back my result....
Quite bad for some but nvm lo...dun say....
Eh eh...gems starting soon,,,i see the notes all so difficult....
Think nothing le and ya thanks you eleen....
Listening to my grumbles which then is my fault...lol....
Nvm la....lol....
I don think too much or not i will break down...
think i am going to break down sooner or later....
Sunday, October 12, 2008; 9:52 PM
Holiday ending today an dstart school tmr...sianzzz
Can't kick off the mood of holiday now still dreaming....
Hai hai....
NVm la...see how lo...
Today sad got la but nvm...
Happy think don have except mi playing game happy onli....
Boring lives don know when will end it....
Saturday, October 11, 2008; 9:33 PM
Today went to Bugis with yu yun.
On the way chat with her about lot of thing and having fun chatting.long time never see her la.
HAha, fun shopping.....
i mean i had long hope to buy a new shoe,think abt 6 months le
and this trip is not wasteful.
I bought two pair of shoes.
This shoe 10 dollars but then think will spolit soon la....as quality not that gd as i go school don have covered shoe ma....
So just buy lo...cheap one can le..i no much money lol....
One is a normal slipper which it so comfortable from flipflopripples,cost is 15.90... expensive right?
Today very fun but then when i reach home got a lot of unhappy thing happened.
THis make me sad la.
Nvm i don blog sad thing yet as not too sad yet...lol.
Holiday ending sian...holiday won end that gd lo but it is ending crying liao...
Yesterday played game till 5 plus then sleep so horx sort of late when meet yu yun.sorry to her...
Hope to go out with her nex time...
Today we went back to schoool to solve the comparator problem due to F.
Manage to solve it somehow due to some coincidence.
Then yung sin,wan ping and me went to eat pizza Al taligo.
HAha it is nice but exp la....
The lower level make of biscuit so crispy....
This few day okeis la not so sad nor happy.
Feel lonely ba lol....
Today went to aracade waste money to like catch the toys...
Waste 12 dollars lo..catch nothing haha which i cna buy for 7 dollars hia...
I see one dolls i like it very much...less htan 7 dollars...
nice lo at lot one...
Then play silent hill gun game...nice too lol...
have fun ...
Wednesday, October 8, 2008; 8:19 PM
TOday i feel very bad....
Circuit board is completed then we test. it turns out that output H L E but F become A.
then i do a little more to that board all short...
Wawa
am i suppose ot be in this course?????
why i so useless?????
I do wat also wrong?????
I don know la...sad la...
Useless of mi...
this course am i really suited....
AM i silly to be in it or wat?????
Monday, October 6, 2008; 11:29 PM
Anime forever...wakakka...
Vampire knight coming today or tomorrow...
haha...and then jogoku shoujo season three too...
Wawawa so mnay anime for me to see...sure busy liao...
SO wat if school going to start...
i will not give up on you anime...my favourite who keep me from breaking down...
Never forgot anime....
Friday, October 3, 2008; 3:31 PM
True tears in when one cried out from the bottom of the heart.
From the bottom of my broken heart,
I wished for something but it will never going to happen.
I know it too well,
it is such foolish to think that it is going to be a wish.
maybe can say it is a dream which
will never going to happen or come true ba....lol
I don know what the purpose of living,
haiz....
i don know how to say la...
anime all those days till
really my mind is full of fantasy and anime ....
Labels: anime is so nice
Wednesday, October 1, 2008; 10:53 PM
Today being sad all day...don know can find who to pour out my sorrow....
I don know why feeling so down and sad....
feel like crying as my heart feel so....
I havign a cute life and a cute memories and cute wat so ever as my world is all cute thing and i don even care if ppl goignt o say anythign abt it...
That her in me.
I hate another in me...is alway sad.....
I run from her becoming a cute world in my land and memories....
How????????
I am lost and miss in it.....
I don know wat to do...
wan to approach but held back.....
Heart is heavy and feel seriously not okies....why why???????
Now then i finally realise
i am not living as who i am,
I had been living under
my wish and my fantasy.
After i thought i had walked out of my emoness,
actually i had not.
I been living under my dreamworld those times.
But then i don't have the courage to face my feeling,
i keep on controling it from taking over me.
Everytime i laugh,
I find myself laughed
without my heart laughing.
I just could not help but feel that
sadness that overtakes me.
When i want to get close to my own feeling in deep heart,
i feel sudden sadness and
then started to have tears in
my eyes for no reason.
Therefore,i never get close to my heart finding out
why as i just don't want to feel
the feeling of this again.
I am scared.
Although it is running away from reality
but then i just
don't want to face it.
Reality for me is harsh and cruel.
Living in my fantasy world,
i might be running away from all those problem
but then at least i feel
more meaningful to live and
having anime,tibit,cartoon
as my happiness to live with.
I just don't know what i do
was wrong or right
but then one thing to be sure
i don't want to face my inner feeling
as i might be weak
to really take it.
Living in real world for me is
like a walking zombie as
i have nothing to wish for
and aim for and
is meaningless.
Living in my world is like
got anime all those
to surround me,
at least make me feel better.
maung maung!!! miss a ll the timewe have together and think u are doign well there haha miss ur jokes and the time we eat in classroom.
Keng Keng!!! Long timenever see ler....
Today went to Bugis with yu yun.
This shoe 10 dollars but then think will spolit soon la....as quality not that gd as i go school don have covered shoe ma....
One is a normal slipper which it so comfortable from flipflopripples,cost is 15.90... expensive right?
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