destiny n fate

2011-05-02T20:51:00.003+08:00

You can hate me, you can love me, I don't care what you think about me.

I been thinking much about lives.

It seems to me like everybody is either surrounding their life with studies or work.

SO much as to see....

weekdays we go for school/work. Go home eat and bathe then sleep....the next day wake up and go for study/work....

weekend relax but tired too go out after working during weekdays...

then sunday come and haix wtf tmr need to work...

a routine and a routine....just for the sake to survive in this society...

how can we say we truly enjoy life while we do it earning for what we spend...much worse is that spending what ur parent earn without knowing how hard they work...

lives is unfair seriously...rich become richer while poor become poorer.....

2011-04-14T21:25:00.002+08:00

I never give much though to where I want to go and what would I do.

I can be a leader and follower but I choose the latter, to the point that people would ignore me about a situation and do what they want about it.

Things aren't what I expected. If it is to my expectation, things would be much easier and less astonished.

Still having that stupid fantasy dream and I didnt want to give up. Therefore hoping to give my last ever chance once again.

Hope and wish everything that I hoped for will happen...miracle to happen to me......

I wish I hope I yearn....

2011-04-11T19:48:00.002+08:00

Helpless.....Useless.....Empty......Depress......Hopeless.....

Thing change fast enough that you can't cope with it......

I have a new perspective on thing and I do not very well like what I found, though it seriously reflect that I am right, I would not want to act that way.

Tears swelled up my eyes but I refused to surrender to the pleasing voice on my mind to cry it out.....

I will get strong till I won't see the vulnerable me again...

I hate myself for the vulnerabilities and situation I am in.......

Constantly hoping for miracles but it did not appear...

It dismiss my last hope entirely till I am like a wounded soldier, feeling super tired and dread that I would seriously wanna have a long good sleep......

2011-04-02T02:25:00.003+08:00

I am so happy that I get into psychology for NUS.
It had been what I wished for during this past few weeks.
NTU enrollment form should be coming soon,
which is electrical and electronics engineering.
I am seriously troubled by which to accept.

I am not at all pleased with my current situation.
I wanted to accept the offer but something pull me back which is financial.
I am quite uncertain about what I am going to face and thus having a lot of fear.
Although I know that never let the fear strikes you from playing the game,
I am still afraid to do what I want to do.
I know financial is a big issue here but
I just can't do anything except to pray for miracle to happen.

Sometime I do grumble why I am not born with a silver spoon
and why I just can't live a life that is great and fill with lots of fun.
Things isn't fair as if I think is fair, some will think is unfair.
I really scared my lives in university will be the same
as what my lives is in secondary school and polytechnic.
I just wish I make a correct and great choice
and make things go to the perfect path that I wish I would.

Passion for psychology or stable job for engineering???
Which is which, I don't know.
May someone give me decent advice and make me see the light.....

Please GOD.

2011-03-27T21:22:00.001+08:00

I didn't give much thoughts on plenty of things till today.

The more I think, the more frustrated I am with myself.

I hate myself for my uselessness.

I hate myself for not having money.

I hate myself for not having beauty.

I hate myself for not having figure.

I hate myself for everything...anything....

2011-03-16T22:19:00.002+08:00

There is no way one can predict when a natural disaster strikes.

Lives is so fragile that we might die the next second.

We know that we should treasure what we have and never take things for granted, however we just didn't.

Then I asked a question to myself, "What would I do if I know I am going to die in a few hours time?".

I don't have a definite answer to it as I cannot think of the answer with mixed feelings.

My heart just wish for something that I don't know what I am wishing for.

It just like someone dig a hole deep in my heart and left it there.

2011-03-15T01:52:00.002+08:00

Remember when we are young, the world is full of many possibilities.
We believed that a wish upon a star and the dream will come true; go ahead and make a wish, who knows that we are right when we are young. The star really make our dream come true.

I still believe in fantasy although I should be mature...hahaha
But nvm I don think I should change myself to be like what the people are now....I just be myself...
I know I look different from my real age, I don't dress well and I also don't act like teens.
I really trying super hard to do what I want to do but find myself holding back...
I think I can do it but I can't, seriously can't.
I don't expect people to understand me cause no one truly understand one. I just know that I am hoping for little understanding from you all and giving me supports on what I am planning to do. Don't make me be the only one fighting in the war....I am getting super tired. Super tuper tired....

2011-03-14T21:05:00.002+08:00

I find that my viewing perspective have changed very much till I am quite surprise with it.
My appearance remains unchanged...
I went to look for job at Lot one and the girl asked me
"how old am I and Am I legal to look for a job???"
Wow that really give me much information on my dressing code and body build...
Still super immature like a child....LOL
Anyway I can't do anything about the figure so I will stop thinking about it;
although I do hope that I have curves figure always...who don't???
As for the dressing code, I can't do much about it...
For those who know me, they should know why...haha

People do have different perspectives, I have learned these long ago....
I won't force people to have it the way I view it....
Some are stubborn, some are unreasonable etc....
Lots and lots of people with different characters
find human interesting....really wanna study psychology.....

2011-03-07T23:57:00.003+08:00

Do you ever feel that you are hoping for something but you don't know what is it.
That precisely what I am feeling.
I don't understand myself...
Sometime I feel that I can do it but sometime I don't.
Sometime I think I am independent but I am not.
I find myself with an outer facade.
The crying girl is deep inside of me covering with pool of sorrowing tears.
The cheerful girl is outside.
I seriously don't know what I am trying to feel or hope.
With mixed feeling that I want to shout it up loud.
I do blame life sometime for the situation I am in now, but I forgot to blame someone who is partially at fault.
That is ME.

2011-03-06T13:37:00.007+08:00

No one can chooses their parents. I really envy my friends
who are born with a silver spoon and they don't need to work during holiday and
they can spend time going for holiday and enjoy lives. I can't!!!
Sometime I do feel that why I am born in this family, can't even supply ourselves with a decent three meals every time.
I do want to do things I wanted to do like doing short courses to enrich myself
and go or driving or tourist license test.

After all, I cannot blame much about this. This is just fate.
Sometime I feel that I should not resign to fate...
however I just can't help but to resign at fate.
I think that I am independent but then I am not really.
I am not hardworking as other see I am. I am not as well to do as others see I am.
This is a society that people tends to look down at not well to do family.

Come ON!! Don't lie to yourself when you say you are not.
Would you want to befriend a person who always grumble they don't have food for a meal?? OK you can be sympathetic and treat him the first time then what about the second time and the third time and the fourth time????

I definitely must learn how to face the harsh society.
Please wake up from my fantasy dreamland and some stupid childhood fairytale.
It doesn't exist at all, well at least not to me.

How can I be the Cinderella that capture a prince charming heart and become the riches.
I don't have the beauty but I do process the kindness and
the stupidity of being so honest and considerate to others
till I can hurt myself or hurt others sometime by that.
I can't see everything so optimistic like hers and
I cannot endure the toughness for so long like she is.

Oops I forgot to say that fairytale don't have a great ending cause the book miss that part out;The part when Cinderella did get fat and the prince charming dump her
and maybe they alter the part which Cinderella did plan through the whole situation
like what the Japanese show plot is.
Oh yup and the part which Cinderella died of illness after married as she denied fate.
Is human nature.....we are all born with a en evil seed inside of us.
No matter how great or good a person is, when one loses hopes in everything they will changed.

Actually they shouldn't give the children a so nice ending to let them believe that things goes well in the end. As their hopes will get tarnish as they grow up.

2011-03-02T17:31:00.001+08:00

Wow the first time to blog after so much months....the first post of the year....
anyway is a start of new thing and i really wish is a good starting.
Many problems I have found out and I am surprised that the situation persist and not getting any better....
Is such an annoying fact that things is unchanged despite how long ler and how hard i tried...nvm i gotta try harder maybe is just not enough.....

2010-09-24T16:15:00.000+08:00

Just to blog to show that I know I have a blog LOL

Long time did not update ler

hee hee

2010-07-22T23:37:00.002+08:00

Much to say unable to say, that a pretty hard battle inside the mind.
I really get enough of you-know-who attitude.
What the fuck is you-know-who thinking and behaving.
Let me scold you here...
You are such a bastard....
You are one of the kinda that I despise....

2010-07-06T21:45:00.003+08:00

Eclipse was super nice!!

Ha Ha I like the part when they are in tent and they telling one another they would be best buddy if they are not born to be enemy and the part when Bella kiss Edward, Jacob was jealous and then when Bella cross the treaty path, Jacob hug her and Edward jealous.

Just thinking that part where Bella think she is the third wife and cut herself with the stone to divert Victoria attention. I think the book wrote that it divert Riley attention...don't know maybe I was wrong should check it out again...LOL....I remembered that when Edward saw Bella taking a stone is her hand, he thought she was afraid of him cause she just saw how he rip off Victoria head.

Anyway, the show was splendid...I love it and I will consider watching again.....wakakakaka

Toy story 3 was super funny!!!
I love it and it really manage to make my day happy and make my mood from little down to happy.
It really show how a toy can be so human...
Human don't want to be neglected and also to be alone....
It just show that toys have this kind of feeling too and we should really treasure what we have.
The parting scene when Andy part with his favourite toys...meaning that he won't see it again and he really can't bear it cause they accompany him for like ages....
It is related to lives and death....that quite sad....
Good will have good return then bad will suffer in time to come....

Good will turn out of bad just like bad will turn out of good.
The bear is very kind hearted at first but become bad due to misunderstanding and external factor. Human also change themselves as time goes by.

It really show how the creator put themselves in toy shoe and relate them to real lives...

I did enjoy myself for both movie...
Highly recommended

2010-07-02T15:49:00.004+08:00

It been such a long time that I blogged.

Anyway there just many small and big things that happened in my lives that really make it out of tune.

I shall not elaborate into the details as it will be great grandmother story.

Yesterday just have a dental check up and discover what causing my toothache these recent days....it was because of a wisdom tooth.

Haha imagine the power it have to cause the gum to be swollen and unable to bite anything and result in me, eating babies food.

Wow cannnot imagine how I been through my days.

I need to do a surgery to have the wisdom tooth taken out which cost quite a bomb...wtf..

2010-06-07T22:07:00.000+08:00

Remember being a kid, when the world was full of possibilities?

Before we became adults, we believed we could change our world

just by making a simple wish.

Well, you can still wish upon a star.

Does that sound silly? It shouldn't.

Who knows, maybe we had it right when we were children.

Go ahead, make a wish.

2010-05-13T14:13:00.002+08:00

Everything lies with your perspective on things.

Suddenly, I just think everything is okies.

It is such a weird change of things you see...

As things are just getting worse while I think is okies...

haha...never mind...

I just think that just me lor....hard to change the fact that I am me...LOL

Erm been involving with anime till I am so so lack behind most of the things lo...

Erm I don't sleep too well due to me sleeping late cos of anime and waking up early for school....

Panda family I am coming...too bad i am not as white as them...lol...

Oh yesterday MOF dine was super nice...the sesame just damn good and also the ice cream...Woosh mouth watering...LOL

GAMBATEH!!! GENKI DESU!!! BANZAI!!!

2010-05-06T15:58:00.002+08:00

Having a terrible day in school today!!!!

Firstly, I don't know why was I having that stupid shit feeling of sadness....

Secondly, I don't understand a single shit the teacher taught today...

I was blindly following stupid instructions.

Thirdly, I am having a split headache..wawawa so painful...

Fourthly, I have pimples coming out ler..shit sia...lack of water and drink...

But then I don't regret it cos anime is super tuper nice!!!

Lastly, I am being oversensitive...wth...why am I having such a day????

Nevermind..let blog something nice and joyous then...

Yesterday, we(yy xr fz me)went to causeway point to catch ipman 2...

It was super nice show...

I have lots of feeling about the movie....haha...too imaginative in the plot for me...

Erm actually i did burn ones pocket lol....thanks a lot that it...

Now was waiting for my favourite show to be on the poster lo...ECLIPSE...

wakakakakakakaka

2010-05-04T21:55:00.004+08:00

Indulge myself with anime these days....

wow anime are so nice
if you choose to watch something relate to you or what you like...

I have watched many anime like for example Loveless(yaoi...), Vampire Knight, Strawberry Panics(yuri), True tears(sad, love), Magical girl Lyrical Nanoha, Ghost hunt(love, mystery, adventrous), Jigoku Shoujo(psychology, mystery anime), Ouran High School Host Club(comedy, love anime), bokura ga ita(romantic love anime), junjou romantica(yaoi, love) etc...

A LOT THAT ARE UNMENTIONED

haha...finish watching shugo chara for the second time...
I love this anime cos it never fails to cheers me up just like ouran high school host club does

That a good start of everything right...LOL
Should not say about bad things cos I do not think about it unless it comes...
Even if it do comes...Thinking about it won't solve the problem so why should I bother???
Just be who I want to be and be who I am deep inside...

I don't care what others think about me....
how the world wants everybody to act...
how many I been through....

I just gotta be myself...
not faking not acting...

JUST MYSELF....GAMBATEH

2010-05-03T18:40:00.002+08:00

Don't really know what gets into me...
Been having such a bad temper and mood the whole day...
Just thinking that things is not alright at all...
Everything is out of place....
Never mind...I mean is kinda of expected with this kinda of luck...
Just my luck for everything that happened...
No mood for everything at all...
Just wanna relax but then find it hard to....
Whoosh my fantasy dreaming have been occurring very serious recently...
Might because I am really in bad situation these days...
I always run when there is a problem..such a coward right??
erm whatsoever.....

Have been having a terrible headache that really hard to concentrate....
Erm that such a sign indicating that I am serious unable to take everything now...
Let nature take its pace again???
I don't know that the best solution or not but I am not ready to solve it....
Let me drift into the fantasy world once again then...

Erm I did know the fact about something and that why I really speechless on this....
haha...just a random thought that lead me to this discovery...
Those who think they are mature but actually they are not won't be able to realise it...
It might because I am too insensitive or slow or whatever....
That i realise the fact a way too late....but then never mind it did not cause me any harm...
just a little fascinating about it....

curious as always...
ponder a lot these days about a lot of things...
think i always simplify things as not seen it as complicated as it should be...
It really not a good thing...

I still believe miracles do happen and will happen...
Is it silly??
I really don't know and no answer for anything...
Life is unpredictable so who knows the answer.....
Just hoping for the best...
Think blogging sad or weird thing don't reflect well on myself...
so then I will just shut up for now then...
LOL

2010-05-02T11:01:00.002+08:00

All is excuse and not a reason...
That it...what you say is not what i want to hear...
therefore just shut up and keep quiet...
i don't give a damn that you are suffering...
you just have to hear what i say...
others can do it why can't you...
you are such a loser and a stupid lazy bum...
all i want is that you are mature and enough to think...
i am not saying studying is not impt...
just that we need you to work...

blah blah blah....shut up enough of your nagging please....
what u say is also not i want to hear....
u say i did not spare a though for you all then what about you all...spare a though for me???
I am super tired...really really tired....are u driving me nuts and wanna me to give up on study??
work work...u all are so money minded..
cannot blame u all with the society now but then pls....I am your daughter so pls shut the crap up can....
Cannot wish others will fully understand others but at least ba...

2010-04-29T12:36:00.003+08:00

Everyone has different perspective on live and matters,

therefore we cannot force others to see the way you do.

People are with different personality, temperament and background.

Hence, our thinking will unavoidably be different.

Some can compromise, some cannot...

That why we all need to learn through experience...

最后一抹的微笑在转身之后

我闭上眼哭了

仅存的一点点骄傲华丽的外表

终于丢掉很彷徨很孤单

是寂寞或悲惨

一个人该怎么办

像是刺猬般防范

伪装的勇敢不轻易让你看穿

我以为可以很坦然面对分开

时不觉得伤感然而将灯关上

一片无声黑暗

心痛的大声呼喊

我想我没那么坚强

每个女孩其实一样

渴望着爱情的好

渴望被拥抱却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强

不过是一而再的逞强

小心将情绪收藏

比傻瓜还傻刺猬的坚强全都是假象

哭吧像是刺猬般

防范伪装的勇敢

不轻易让你看穿我

以为可以很坦然面对分开

时不觉得伤感然而将灯关上

一片无声黑暗

心痛的大声呼喊我想我没那么坚强

每个女孩其实一样渴望着爱情的好

渴望被拥抱却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强

不过是一而再的逞强

小心将情绪收藏

比傻瓜还傻

刺猬的坚强全都是假象

我想我没那么坚强

每个女孩其实一样渴望着爱情的好

渴望被拥抱却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强

不过是一而再的逞强

小心将情绪收藏

比傻瓜还傻刺猬的坚强全都是假象~~~哭吧

2010-04-20T18:07:00.002+08:00

Today, my mood is super terrible.

Father scolded me for not helping him to do the thing that I don't know how to do.

I didn't do it because I did not learnt before and I scared I wrote wrongly.

And there you are, scolding me and saying that you have wasted the money on me for study.

Let me be straight that now you are lending me your cpf account money only, I will pay you back when I am working.

For the laptop is on a loan, which was my name, and I am the one who is paying it.

Also, the textbook i bought is I lend money from friend to buy de.

What you choose to do is to ignore when I talk about money on buying textbook.

SO PLEASE SHUT YOUR SHIT UP.

When you are not in the shoe of others, you don't emphasis. Today, someone says something that hurt me. I know that person who said it is not trying to shoot me or what. They are speaking from their background and all those, that why I don't feel any anger toward that person.

The financial background I am in are super bad. I need to lend money from friend just to buy a $19.40 textbook. Therefore I will think a meal that cost $5 over is consider expensive. You are blessed and you have that money and so you think $20 over meal is okies. That is something I cannot comment.

I mean if I have money like your background. I will also think that $20 over for a meal is such cheap meal. It is okies. When someone told me she cannot afford it, I will think she is lying and don't want to dine with me.

Anyway, I am just telling everyone so that I won't be misunderstood.

Last few days back, I don't have money to buy a proper meal and therefore eating desert for lunch. Actually I was super starved but how am I suppose to tell people. I won't beg cause I am not a beggar. I won't beg cause I did have pride.

When people said that they treat me, you think my pride won't be affected. It will actually. But what can I do. I cannot afford to eat or go to those place and then you all want me to go. You all see me pathetic so offer to treat. I will of course feel bu hao yi xi and also bad for sure.

Maybe people like me should not be with friends, cause I will always spoil people fun of going out because of my financial.

I won't be angry or what cause I know we cannot always want people to be in our shoes. It was because they did not experience it therefore they cannot sympathize. They just say it because they say from what they think from their shoes.

2010-04-18T12:34:00.003+08:00

I just don't know what got into me just then.
It just make me feel like crying and feel so hurt.
Never mind it is just my fault in particular
cause what you said is truth.
Therefore it makes no sense for me to cry.

I don't want to say more about the matter mentioned above.
I am just saying that everything is fine,
if it isn't, anything wrong just blame me that it.

School starting tomorrow.
I was thinking should I go to fix my laptop as
the key c and the space bar sometime can not be pressed.
Leave that aside first,
one of my main concern is the purchasing of textbooks.

I told my dad about the textbooks I needed to buy when school reopen but he choose to ignore me and do his own things.
He did not even did answer any of the question related to money.
He just throw the burden to me.

I was now worrying about that.
As we will only be able to purchase the textbook during first week of school, After that we can only photocopy from others which will be more expensive.

You all might be wondering about the salary i will get from ITP right?
However, sadly to say that I will be only receive the salary next month
due to procedure it need to be approved.

Sometime I know I shall not rely on miracle
but I have to as I just cannot help it.

Sometime I just cannot pay within my might that I accept the offer.
I just feel I own you lots and also a lot of things.
I know you don't mean it but indirectly it really did.
As you make it sound like i so shameless to accept all offer people offered.
I don't really know what I am trying to say.
I just feel so confused. I was weeping yesterday and today.
Hopefully I won't weep the next day.

The deep puddle of tears that are left where I cried just get deeper and deeper.
Sometime it just make me think that
I am drag into the depth of the pool and unable to breathe.

Although people comment that I am a cheerful person and I keep smiling, always saying jokes or entertain people cause I don't like to be quiet,
it is just an outer facade that hid me well.
I can't possibly keep emo or show sadness to everyone right.

You won't really want to get know to a person who is sad always right?
I don't understand why I blog this post, is just that I think I am sad enough to blog my unhappiness so that it won't drag me further down the pool. I just cannot say it straight to face to my parents as I know they do really have their financial difficulties so I just can't force them to the cliff.

In heavy debt and they are still borrowing money from others,
of course no ones are lending them.
Resulting me having maggie always or skip meals always.
I can frankly say that my wallet and bank account total only have 2 dollars.

Sometime I will blame them why they are so poor ler still give birth to so many child just because they want boys and I will blame why life are so unfair etc...
But as time goes by, I realise that how society are.
There is not guy and girl are equal this kinda of things.
Guy are always better in girl in some sense.

I am not that strong. I am not independent.
I am not that good compare to my sister.
I am not pretty compare to my sister.
I am not......I am not..... I am not...

2010-04-16T15:12:00.002+08:00

Pretty?? Ugly??
What are those definition actually??
Does appearance determine it??
I just think that no matter how pretty you look, if what you do or behave or thinking are with motive, I just think you are freaking ugly.
However, that not how society judge one, no matter how much you say, or I did say, we will not look at outer appearance. we are just lying to ourselves or just making stupid comments.
Let me ask myself or you all, if there is a ugly person who is poor but have super great quality, people will neglect him at first side compare to a pretty and rich person.
SO can i conclude that average is always good, no need be understanding

2010-04-14T10:15:00.003+08:00

Just wondering whether what my eyes were seeing the same things as others eyes see.

Frankly, I think I am such a stupid. Why can't I just be what "it" wants me to be? Why can't I just accept the fact that no one is thinking the same as what I am thinking? So many questions of why in my mind but the fat is that I just don't know the answer to it or maybe I knew the answer but I don't want to change.

To the point of fact is that why should I change myself for "it". It is just ridiculous to change who I am. Actually if you think deep and search in your mind or heart, you will know that to resist change you are the foolish fool here cause you are bound to suffer and outcast.

I dare to say that I don't put in my whole heart in finishing a particular task loudly.This includes examination. I will have the mindset of saying that everything will be okies and we should have fun. So come on why are you so stress....I am a last minutes person.

Just that what i see and hear from a person might alter. You cannot be like them but then you need to protect yourself. However, I just cannot do it. I am just the kind of person who like to suffer by myself. Knowing that I shall not be dependent, I am still dependent.

I don't really know what I am trying to convey here...It just that I am having a lot of thoughts these days and it is killing me. You just don't know how much the impact is if you did not experience before. It was like having multiple radio station tuned on the same time and there are two representatives.---the angel VS the devil---

Angel will win at the very last, I knew it. However you just cannot divert your concentration on matters. Brain is a funny control centre. For the same thing, it might give you different reaction.

Someone once,who I know, said to me that I might look strong form the outside but actually I the one who needed the most protection and caring. Actually I don't quite understand what he means but never mind I don't ponder for things I don't know. It just give me a sense of headache the world is raining this kind of feeling.

Deep in my heart,I know that how the things work and why it happen. However I choose not to believe it unless I see it from my eyes. It just foolish how much you trust a person and that person tarnish everything you believe he/she is. The point is that I am such a moron to do it again and again and hurting myself again and again.

2010-04-11T23:26:00.003+08:00

In the past, people have the mindset of boy is better then girl. Girls are normally mistreated and undergo discrimination as well as unfairness.

In this modern days, boy and girl are consider to be equal. However, we just cannot make everyone has that mindset you see.

My parent, on the other hand, belongs to those who still think guy are better than girl. Although they will say no, i treat everybody the same cause you all are my child, obviously people can see it through their action.

I don't blame them for our financial situation and having to suffer days without proper food like having maggie for weeks. It just that the action they do make me ponder why girl are inferior to guy from their perspective.

To begin with, my brother don't do well in studies. In fact, he skipped school and lied to my parent saying that he did go to school and is studies were in a total mess.

They are should immature I suppose. I mean, look at out financial situation, the way they behave shown it. They were only thinking about enjoying themselves. Neglecting studies and saving money to buy game or spending it on need and not a want.

When you want to talk sense to them when they did something wrong, someone will eventually think you are bully them and scold you, or not they will be like don't scold them already they should know their fault. Seeing the situation now, I doubt they ever learn.

Today, my dad borrow some money from me saying he don't have much money left (when I mean some is very little cos i don have that much either, considering how can i save when my pocket money is unstable always).

Therefore, I lend him all the money i can come up with. My younger brother, which study k2, wants to play animal kaiser which is 2 dollars per play.
Can you all believe it?? Saying that he no money, he still let him play...speechless... =.=

At night, I asked my father whether there is anything to eat for tomorrow morning and he walked for about few minutes before answering my question, he asked my brother whether he wanted bread for tomorrow. He said yes and he went to buy it. Never mind....

I bought milk as i think i fairly lack of calcium and what do i get here, is that they drink the milk i bought. My father just simply say we are all family so just share it. I know it is okies and i am not angry with the sharing part. I am just angry that you borrow money from me to let him play game and then ask me to buy thing on my own.

I don't know what to say la...just that feeling weird weird de...

2010-04-09T14:39:00.002+08:00

First of all let me shout it out that I am super annoyed with someone.

Not many people can achieve to the fact that not judging others by their own feelings or point of view. It just that the person should not be so selfish not to even spare a though on your feeling.

For example...

That person like me and woo me. However, I reject him upon knowing his feeling for me and request to be best friend. He replied okay, but he sent a sms saying I was insensitive to his feeling while rejecting him.
I replied with the fact that saying I know being rejected will definitely felt sad. Is not the fact that I am not sensitive, is just not right to not hurt you while I not in love with you.

I know my rejection will hurt you so I date you, then this is counted not sensitive?
I think is super rubbish and ridiculous...
This will cause you more hurt and of course hurt me as well.
DO you think rejecting you I will not worry? That is a super wrong.
When a girl reject a guy..she will scared that the person will ignore her or hate her...so letting causing them to drag their decision and cause the person to wait and wait for that answer NO.

I am just being direct cause it just not right knowing that will hurt you, I stead with you.
It does not works this way. That person better don't make me pissed off to the maximum or not I won't spare a thought to scold you and tell you wrong on the face.

Voicing out views and thinking is affected by our emotional...We must learn to control it or to divide it to different sector so as to affect our thinking or life.
Sadly for that person, I bet if I work for him, he will surely take personal revenge.

In conclusion, we should be aware of our feeling and don't let it affect us what thinking.
Impulsive and judgment will cause unfair decision and might result in undesirable outcome.

2010-04-08T10:48:00.008+08:00

别看我凶巴巴的，其实我比谁都细心比谁都脆弱。

受过打击的人啊，就是不一样。心里面像是被人挖了个洞似的，除非有合适的人来填补，不然的话那个洞只会越来越大。

真正的我没那么坚强，严格来说是个胆小怕事之人。

我虽然性格，动作和想法类似于男生，但毕竟我不是。我不是你们眼里想像那么勇敢。我真的好想大哭一场，但是有谁会关心呢?

我真的觉得自己就像只丑小鸭。就算和一群天鹅在一起我也不会脱变成天鹅。只是一个意外让我落入了一堆天鹅中，梦想以为自己变成了白天鹅，某天照镜子才发现自己一点都没有改变，只是善良的天鹅一直给我最善意的谎言。

现实是残酷无情的，感觉在这世界生存是非常累的一件事。想想如果睡一觉起来发现原来一切都只是一场梦那该有多好。做梦未必是件好事。因为早晚都会醒来，醒来的时候还是要面对现实。那时候会痛上加痛，不如一早就清醒的面对。

说的容易才不容易，我知道我在逃避现实。害怕又在被伤害，害怕很多东西，不敢往前。。。

受过打击的人有时候越开心来了，反而会害怕，越是开心，则越会害怕这样的开心会流逝。

对于有的人来说幸福是那么简单的事情，也许只是吃一顿饱饭或者有一个温暖的地方可以睡觉就足够了，可是真正得到的人却不懂得珍惜。我突然有感而发。

人们往往都用自己的情感来打量事件，让周围的人受伤。

哭过就好了。。。我的眼泪已经不是带着那样的讯息而是绝望。

2010-03-31T14:35:00.003+08:00

Today, I saw a post on facebook saying "I always tell myself, I dun need to win now, I just need the fucking last laugh. Aim for the last laugh."

From my personal point of view, it is ridiculous. You might have the last laugh but then would the person, your so-called Enemy, respects you. That person who said that was unbelievable wealthy, at age of 19, she already have a BMW given as a present from her father.

She really don't think she is blessed I suppose. She even looked down on people poorer than her.
I sincerely wish God will knock some sense into her and make her realise that she is wrong.

How can she, as a best friend of X, criticise X on facebook saying " My family will back up on me always unlike your family. They did nothing because they couldn't. You cannot shoot back as you only have one PC at home while I got many cause I am richer.Your parent shouldn't know how to use a PC."

I am just angry with her, although I am not her friend,not X's friend too, just random link and saw this post, I just think is wrong to judge people on their wealth is.

She is super pretty but then her heart is not. It is ugly.

I can link to this incident cause I feel like I am X.

She is blessed to be born with a silver spoon and looks especially, however the way she looks at the poor are making me super annoyed.

So what if we are poor?
So what if we only have one PC and that PC is on loan?
So what if I don't pretty?
So what if I don't have money to enjoy lives?
so what........

You can say whatever you like, but me is still me. It is an unchangeable fact. I am not that blessed compared to you, but I not at all despise myself cause of it.

I despise you even you are pretty, rich and unbelievable talented. At least we do have a heart and a moment of sharing, rather then wandering around boosting about your riches and showing off whatever branded stuff you have.

You totally have no life compare to me.
At least I am able to live independently, buy you need to ask money from your dad which make u a spoiled brat
At least I have more life experience than you, this makes me think that I did not live worthlessly.

In conclusion, I just need to say that although I did look down at my own circumstances sometimes , I think your last laugh is something that stupid and worthless.
You can live with your last laugh and rot with it in the coffins but your bad reputation will be remembered.

****Actually,I don't really understand why and what I am blogging about. I just think this**** ****makes me feel sad. Angry. Helpless.****

2010-03-22T10:01:00.002+08:00

Going to be a long time
before I will get back to blog,
or abandon it.
My life is so boring that
I don't have anything to blog.
haha that hilarious to think
that something might change
and to realise it will never.

2010-03-15T08:58:00.005+08:00

I really don't know what to do anymore.

You are driving me mad,not in the sense of crazy over you but pissed off, whatever you are saying or replying are really in your own personal opinion and is sucks.

Do you think that you are the God and you can act according to what you feel???

Then is a big cross stamp I should stamp on your forehead.

People do have different feelings and what you are acting are such selfish as you did not spare a thought for the others.

Although that person I am referring do not read this post, I just tolerate it and I just need a place for me to vomit out the things I wanted to say.

What I want now is to be able to go to East Coast Park again....Boring, isn't it??

Enough of that matter I mentioned above....

Yesterday,I weeped in silent, due to some family things.

The person,which I mentioned above, message me and he is pretty demanding on everything and such a problematic person, to me.

I don't really to wish to think of other thing as I am worry about other things but he do not think so and keep bugging me on it.

I am frustrated but I managed to cool down by saying I don't really want to speak now,hope you can understand. There are girls outside which are better than me and I hope you will not waste any time on me as it is not worthy. He did not replied after that, I think it does not matter to me whether he is angry or feel any hatred toward me nor, as most of my problems are caused by him.

If he really choose not to be friend anymore, I will let it be as I really don't want to do anything about it when I don't have the mood to think about other thing as my family are more important. Let me be clear that he is not my boyfriend, as I won't go this mean toward him. Frankly, he was trying to act like I am his girlfriend as he put his hand on my waist and shoulder, which I shake it off every time, and trying to get hold of my activities and trying to tag along. It just bother me a lot as you are not in any right to do so.

My parents just poured their sorrow onto me. They say I am not as good as my sister as she is living on herself while I am still like a spoon feed baby asking for milk. I know that she is much good looking and more capable than me but you all don't keep saying it as this make me more and more don't like myself. My self-esteem are being affected.

I am pretty tired of how things go and really wanted to give up,although I am still trying hard to hold on.

Despite the fact that I am 18 years old, going to be 19 years old in few months, I think my mindset and heart are not the actual age of it. It tend to be pretty immature and I tend to rely on people much then I expected. However, sometimes I tend to be quite mature in the ways of thinking.

I really don't understand myself sometimes.

I just a girl which don't face the reality and keep living in a friction world I created and I bound myself in it.

In the world,I was carefree and shining brightly without any sadness or worries indicated on my face.

For now, I must admit the fact that I am still holding on to the thought that miracles do happen when you believe. Therefore,I believe in miracles.

I don't feel the need to change myself at all, which I don't know is a wise decision made or maybe not, I will carry on to be just me.

2010-03-08T11:52:00.003+08:00

点名

一，被点者请在自己的网志上打上答案
二，请传给另外十个人
三，传阅人请在这十位被点的人的留言板上通知他，他被点咯!
四，这当中的十位不得拒绝
五，被点者请注明被谁点了在哪里接到再传给下十位
六，这些被点名者，你们被点会祝福
七，不可回点哦，并且愿望会实现和得到幸福坐上幸福热气球，开始咯~

幸福热气球：
第一阶段
1.绰号: Pei fen
2.星座：Gemini
3.生日：19/06/91
4.兴趣：很多
5.血型：I don"t know
6.最宝贵的东西：很难说
7.最讨厌的东西：很多

幸福热气球：
第二阶段
1.有喜欢的人吗: I don't know
2.有交往吗：Nope
3.幸福吗：Should be bah...
4.他很爱你吗：How i know??
5.如果你有勇气最想做什么：Do a lot of things bah

幸福热气球：
第三阶段
1.你被谁点：yung sin
2.他是你的谁：朋友
3.他的个性是：很难捉摸
4.他长得怎样：跟人一样
5.跟他认识多久：two to three years ba
6.你想跟他说什么：ermm 想不出
7.如果他变成你的情人：哈哈不可能

幸福热气球：
第四阶段
1.最爱的音乐：taylor swift and milley cyrus
2.最爱的季节：Spore no such weather as spring summer and so on
3.最爱的卡通：All bah cartoon is the best
4.最爱的颜色：天空蓝,red
5.最想去的国家：美国 and japan
6.最爱的水果：Don't know leh
7.最爱的饮料：Anything
8.最爱的人：我的家人

幸福热气球：
第五阶段
1.你很爱哭吗：差不多
2.你很爱笑吗：很爱
3.你是很有信心的人吗；不会
4.你想要怎样的生活：简单无忧无虑的
5.你喜欢自己吗：Not really
6.你喜欢音乐吗：喜欢
7.你喜欢体育吗：Nope
8.你喜欢跳舞吗：不喜欢
9.你很专情吗：不知道
10.你喜欢睡觉吗：喜欢
11.你喜欢唱歌吗：Should be

幸福热气球：
第六阶段
开始点名（各位~对不起咯！）排名不分先后！
1. Hui xiang
2. Yu yun
3. Keith

4.Ching rong

5. Bing xian
6.Wan Ping
7. Eddie
8.any handsome guy and cute girls

9.
10.
[五号跟谁谈恋爱]：Still under constructing
[一号是男的还是女的]：男
[六号人很好吗]：Best
[二号很色吗]：Don't know
[七号跟三号在一起吗]：Speechless
[八号是单身吗]：Speechless
[你会追求四号吗]：Speechless
[十号喜欢一号吗]：Speechless
[五号读那间学校]：Nyp??
[六号喜欢谁]：Bu Zhi Dao
[二号喜欢唱歌吗]：喜欢
[你爱七号吗]：Speechless
[三号住哪]：新加坡
[十号跟你告白]：Speechless
[四号有宠物吗]：Bu Zhi Dao

如果你有三个愿望 ,Tell me your wish :
1. Wishes
2.Wishes
3. It will come true!!

2010-01-15T23:51:00.002+08:00

Never really think that I am the one who is being the moron here....
I am the one who resist everything and cause harm to myself...
It is all about my choice and decision...
Really like fantasy and love story cause they are super nice and mostly with pretty good happy ending...
In life, it is not always the case...

I admit that I been lying to myself since this day that i know what I did wrong...
So naive and stupid to remember that this might not be the case for all but then it is not...
The truth is the fact..
NOthing will ever change cause this is what it is to begin with...

Hoping there is improvement in my relationship with my family, friend and the person i like...
However the person i like don't like me and have many girls surrounded him so erm i cannot do anything about it ler but then try to let go bit by bit...

Tiring so tiring i wanted to give up and then feel like i miss out lots of things out in the blue...
=X

2010-01-10T01:24:00.004+08:00

Year 2010 is not a good year for now i must say.
I hurt my hand on first day of school, feel the harsh truth crashing on me and also feel super emo.

I am starting to get weird, don't like to speak and acting strange.
I do something without planning to do it or have any idea what I am doing.
There is a feeling of someone punching me in the heart and causing me a deep wound that is bleeding.
Felt so empty and emo but then who cares anyway.

Getting bad comment by teacher on CRS despite I did place my heart in doing it.
I am super sad and tired.
Having no one to mention to.
Family have lot of things happening which causes me don't feel like going home.
It is not that sweet anymore. I remember when I was young, I will get back to home after school finished and also never go out. It might be the reason that I don't have friends. However, now i don't feel like going home even if I am alone.

I really try my best to hang on a smile on my face and not appearing emo...but that girl which is once hidden inside me for years is starting to take the place.
I did not act myself in front of others at all but I know someone did say something about me being fake. Some said that I behave like a tomboy etc...
Bad comments heard but then i choose to ignored cause I think it does not matter,my conscience is clear...You all can say whatever you want....

The guy who I like don't like me, I suppose is the time to try to let go since I am not one who will be noticed in a crowd.
Deserted...
Everyone is moving on except me...standing at where I am and did not move on.
Felt like standing at the edge of the cliff, to fall and not to fall, I really have not idea what to expect of this year since the starting is super bad...
Wondering what should I expect...
I did everything as who I am, I did not act in front of others...
However,somehow those who have a mask on them did fairly well in this society.
I must definitely admit and swear I will not be able to achieve that cause is like making use of others.
I rather people make use of me then i make use of them. I know someone who is making of me but i remain silent. No point making a fuss out of it.
Never mind, Just live with who I am then. Since from the start I am not that girl in limelight, so why should i think of anything.

Really tired and feel like giving up on life,but lack of courage...
Seriously weak and stupid...which I know I am...
No one will bother at all so why should I bother it myself then...

Pain will be numb eventually.....

2009-12-21T01:06:00.002+08:00

Really understood a lot of things during this holiday cause been spending much time thinking seem i have nothing to do.

Drowning myself with novel...

all are super nice...

still continuing reading it.

erm find out something and i don know wat to say or feel about certain things...

i was trying to finish my first to do list for some reason lol...

2009-12-13T23:39:00.002+08:00

Wow should I be mindful that i looked like an aunty??

That is one boy who said to me" Aunty, can borrow your phone for a while or not?".

My first impression is that am i really that old that you called me aunty and not sister or xiao jie...

hao ting yi diao ma....

erm holiday starting...don really like holiday for some reason...

Now start to plan for my to do list in 2010 and new goals...

I think if u do not plan for anything u will end up passing each day without any goals and then year end without any accomplishments.

That happens to me so erm i wanna to change...

CHange to more female like pls...cos being said i behave like guy so many time...

and then can i post a question am i really so blur...

many ppl tell me that lo...hahaha

2009-11-28T01:11:00.002+08:00

Whole day been out at my grandma house.

Spend a day there watching television and also playing wii.

People are having that stress for examination but i do not have the urgency to study.

Maybe as time goes by i will ba.

Yesterday chat with him and then not a long conversation.

He just told me he have a cold and was sick for few days and so never go to school.

I always did not get to see him in school so i would not know if he never tell me about it.

Today i try to ask whether he is feeling well ler ma cause yesterday he said he still have blocked nose.

HE just replied with ya feeling well if blocked nose is not a factor to consider.

then nothing much to talk ler..

Maybe i should just give up cos me and him like got gap sia...

don know wat to talk or say...

Afterall he have someone he love ler...i should jus try to give up bit by bit...

working on it..

OH SOMETHING TO BOARDCAST

NEW MOON IS CASTING

OMG OMG OMG

FINALLY MY FAVOURITE SHOW

WATCH IT AFTER EXAM

AS A REWARD FOR MY GREAT GREAT WORK BA....

HEE HEE

LOL NEW MOON

2009-11-26T23:17:00.002+08:00

Question run through my head during lecture today.
Don't expect me to think of lecture actually, i was questioning on whether i do behave like a guy.
Most of my friend say I do...
Not in terms of tomboy kind la but like characteristic and the way when do things...
I actually think so myself too la...
hee hee
however i don think is bad la...
anyway i think i am being too direct about things lo...
haha always so straight...
today jun yao took my pencil on the ground and tot it was others and keep it...
then i just say return my pencil la u took my pencil on ground...he like so ps then return me lol..
direct right?? hee and some reason la...secret haha....

2009-11-24T21:45:00.001+08:00

Feeling sort of down today for no specific reasons.

I was having some thought about human nature on my way home.

When we were born, we are so innocent, but now to think of that

as ages passed one changes.

Is it the cause of society pressure or is it the change occur in everybody naturally??

Why do we resign to society pressure and change oneself?

Do we really need to realize the harsh truth of life deeply so that we can survive in this world?

I am still living in fantasy world and resist to change by society...

However something happen today which really shaken me with this thought of mine.

I want to know the answer to this question.

Am I doing the right thing to resist the change.

I don't want to live as someone that is being changed

till so scary.

I don't want.

Greed of human is something everyone faced.

Some will know they are facing it but some won't but doing it.

I will not say i fully greed free

but then I can say i control it well than others.

Being someone with heck care attitude,

facing too much family problems i been through a lot of things.

I see what others cannot see or feel.

No one will understand you even though you speak so you just have to suffer alone.

I am sort of suffer alone type so does not affect me ba...

I want go ECP once again.

2009-11-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

I never given much thought to everything even now.
I know that i lived by everyday with an attitude of happy go lucky.
I run away form problem and wishing it to disappear and not facing it to solve it.
However, besides this what can i do??
Today was quite a sad day for me.
Crs erm did not do as good and time is shorter among all groups.
Followed by when i reached home, some family things cropped up again. I want to chat with him but then i say hi...
He after a while offline without replying me.
I don't expect any reply from or miracle happen that me and him will be together, it just that i feel bad after what i say to myself.
Beside that, i was flooded with nagging and sorrow about my family...i really is so tired of the situation i felt all days.
I want to do something but i was like drowning till i felt helpless.
I really don't know what to do.
Feel like going ecp again hope this time will help in my mood.

2009-11-16T21:25:00.002+08:00

最近感到非常累
好几次差一点迟到
我真是个懒猪！！！
功课也别提了
当然不例外 (>T-T<)

心里总是缺少什么似的
但是就不知是什么。
没有心情做任何事
好像在等待一些奇迹般的事情发生。

开心的背后是什么呢?
是悲伤?是愉快还是痛哭?
不知我在笑时
另一个他是否也在笑。

往往到海边后
我都会豁然开朗
但这次却好像少了些东西。
在等待这东西的到来的当儿
我都抱着愉快的心情面对着世界

最近做梦都会想到美丽的童话
我和王子在海边
欣赏着美丽的海景
两人幸福的笑着

这是我才恍然大悟
那心里的空虚
是失落感夹带着想念一个人的滋味。

2009-11-14T23:54:00.002+08:00

Went to ecp like i want to but then i felt that i miss something deep inside my heart...
I don't know what is it...
Don't really have this kind of feeling before...

meeting them at mrt station before going to ecp...haha..
they say want pot luck in the end only i cooked onli...so ke lian lo...
i tot others will cook i wake up early to cook but in the end turn out not that good too...
too bland liao....
but nvm la still edible i suppose...seem it is all finish thank to everyone give me face
oh was drag into the water by them...
erm i just wan to face the sea and enjoy the breeze but then haha ...

tot of going down to water but then i don wan to actually haix contradicting...
luckily weather wise is great not raining and not sunny...perfect weather...taken a lot of photo upload a lot on facebook...

erm every time go ecp will feel happy or like accomplish something or whatsoever however this time i feel quite empty or quite an indescribable feeling about something missing...

2009-11-12T22:01:00.004+08:00

Heading ahead....

Must make sure i must get my concept well and right...

At least must get B no C at all...goal chiong arh....

Study plan erm start next next week la...

oh i wonder what i thinking is right ma..i wanna ans...

I won get into it unless i know the truth...

aiyaya i don know wat i am saying...

ways to go...cheers gal...

Jiayou...wakakakaka

2009-11-11T21:35:00.002+08:00

WOW...
Today my practical teachers said I am very blur...
Haha nothing special cause I am blur to begin with...
Or not i won have so many nickname like sotong or blur queen...
no medicine to cure blur sia...=x

Oh i wanna to know whether i am moving forward or not???
I did i am but then sometime we don't see ourselves clearly...
Maybe in past i am not but i was now trying my very best to achieve what i want and also challenge the impossible...
oh my third year option for example...
maybe want to take business de but after much thinking i think it is not worth...

today have a very nice day although it is just a movie...mean to me a lot...
wakakakaka....
nvm i think i siao liao la...keep laughing...
but great to laugh then to grieve...

now was trying very hard to catch up with my study haha i sure can do it de...
jiayou add oil ....

2009-11-08T16:19:00.000+08:00

风吹打着树叶
叶子散落一地
一人走在街道上
看着霓虹灯闪烁
把街照的格外美丽漂亮

心里莫名其妙有了一些感触
叶子常会被忽略
花都会被赞赏
这不和人生一样
美丽的人都会被重视
平凡的人带出了美丽的人
但不会被人喜欢

散落一地的叶子
被人们踩踏
会觉得疼吗?
会抱着对风的恨吗?

翠绿的叶子已变黄
成为了土的肥料
却没人知道它的功劳
不知让叶子选择
它为后悔还是无冤

看见了生命的无常
仿佛让人体会到生命的不公
而这不公是不能改变的

2009-11-08T00:18:00.004+08:00

Suddenly having the urge to blog, It might be the reason of boredness.

Really tired of hearing about my grandma favoring who and what so ever....
Really tired...I don't mind at all...
I mean I will also love some of my friend more than some friends i have right???
So why don't it happens in family too??
Nothing is fair therefore we need to give and take...haha
Maybe it will sound fake but then really leh i don mind....

Wanted to do a lot of things in mind....
wanted to have a chance to go oversea...
Being so old liao i did not go before wawawa...
wanted to have a chance to spend a day with my family without any worry...
wanted to have a good result for studies cos i am struggling now...
wanted to have a chance to ride cable car or Ferris wheel cos never ride it before...while some of my family got...
wanted to have a good sushi meal cos long time don have ler....
wanted to be able to buy some clothes and shoes...long time never buy anything ler
wanted to do lot of things but then haha not really possible...

Nvm la cos want ma not need...
but for the studies i think is a need ....lol

Still like a child in dreamland
Dreaming of fairy tales and thinking
everything is going to be alright in the end...happy ending...
i will still be thinking that way no matter how harsh the world is to me....

chat with girlfriend about relationship cos she just having a stupid crush with someone online...
I don't know wat to comment cos i don't know how or what to say...
I mean i did not even kiss anyone before not even my ex bf (except my family) but there she was kissing a guy when he just know him for a day...
the guy ignore him after that la might becos the picture she put online don look like her ba...
I hear her talk while I keep quiet cos i don know wat to say....
Conversation was short but learn a lot of things from it...

2009-11-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

苦涩的咖啡
有人爱有人恨
可能真正能欣赏这种味道的人
才是懂的珍惜的人
在得到幸福前
都经过痛苦的洗礼

苦涩的咖啡
思念一个人的感觉
痛哭的心情
种种让人心满是伤痕的事
挟带着苦的味道
在苦里
寻找快乐和安详

一杯苦涩的咖啡
带者各种独特的味道和感觉
天生的苦味
不是不幸而是幸福前的先兆

加糖和奶的咖啡
不是幸福的结局
因为人们都不会品尝到它的味道
只是用别的东西来代替
不喜爱的东西而已

2009-11-06T02:43:00.002+08:00

Time has a way of taking back what you have.
Time can do wonders but its also harsh.
Making one forget about hurtful memories, making one treasure things etc...
Time make lonely time seem to be longer for one...

Wondering something in my mind.
You will never miss what you never had...erm not really true i think...
U miss someone u love even if she/he don love you...
You will miss funif u don have fun...
haix just it is contradicting...

I believe in fate and destiny...
Meeting the one who destined for, leaving the loved one etc...it is all fate...
Meeting someone in million of people is fate....

2009-11-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

So Tiring today...Imagine you are facing a computer for about 7 hours plus without doing anything....It is so boring.
However, my computer is becoming slower and I don't know why it is so after a full reformat.
The weird thing is that when i was playing the game if i did not move the mouse, the graphic will remian there without moving.
I don't care ler...see how it goes ba...
Oh i know the feeling of it and i really don't know to like to to hate...
Anything is possible to happen jsut like life is unpredictable; therefore i leave it to fate to decide ba...
my third year option how...i am really lost...

2009-11-02T22:13:00.003+08:00

Oh sorry i forgot to add my best girlfriend yu yun in the last blog post...

haix my fault for missing her....

Honto ni gomenasai...

Erm so far so good...

sad is sad but whatever it is

time will pass and heal it like everything else would...

Today got weird feeling about something...never have before....

i wondered what it is....

Nvm la...i am not ready for anything so don care la....

find out something...my school work sure going down ler...

stupid lo out of 6 questions

surprisingly

i only know how to do 1 question....

wth super sad sia now my module really is killing me....

I have bought some real kawaii book from popular i love it so much....

and lots of coloured pens for fun...

Don mistaken i did not spend much cos i use voucher...

i no much money ler...

really think i hinder ppl fun cos of me no money...

when ppl are in for fun...

i would say no cause it involved money...

i was like splashing cold water on them

when it is come to fun, people will tend to

forget but it

nvm it is understandable...

2009-10-31T23:41:00.002+08:00

Today I went back to school to play badminton with eddie,Hui xiang,carrie and ting sheng.
However, I was in quite a bad mood so i did not play the badminton as much as i would so, instead i sit aside and become moody.
Too bad somebody cannot join us till to flu...haix sad
After that we went to holland village and have a meal.
But is was raining heavily so we sort of get drenched.....Then they was discussing to go to watch movie called jennier's body...
I would like to watch too but due to financial matter i cannot so i remain silent.
The others was so enthu about it while i was the only one who say no.
afte rmuch discussion bringing disappointment to all we think of going home.
But i was so sad that i was like the one who hinder them having fun and so on so i not in mood to go home..
I went yew tee point instead, they join me cause nothing to do...
then we went to long john silver sit and eat and play undo stacker....
and got penalty if collapse...
That my day today...
i feel quite sad and feel like crying...
think it would be better if i am alone cause i will always cause trouble to others and hinder ppl having fun with my financial now....

2009-10-28T18:41:00.002+08:00

Nothing in particular to blog actually...life is getting real boring!!!
I must say it is so painful and hard to shine your brightest smile to people when you are deeply bleeding or sad inside.
However, people don't like unhappy person so no choice but to smile in a happy way.
Getting more and more tired about the situation i am in now, things are getting much worse and more out of hand.
Hope thing will get better....
I reformat my com today losing all my data...taking about 5 hours plus to finish it ...
i was there sleeping actually when it was reformatting.....
so boring without any ppl accompany....

2009-10-25T23:35:00.004+08:00

Today I did have a wonderful and happy day.
Sort of having a lot of new surprise...
motor ride...shopping center i first go...
feeling...
Put that aside ba...no mood to think....
I must clearly say the wind that blow on your face when u r riding a motor ride is nice and peaceful....
close your eyes and u will listen to the sound of car passing by and the wind blowing on your face..
it just calm u down i must say...
throwing away troubles...
Would love to ride a motorcycle again...really is super nice....

2009-10-21T20:18:00.002+08:00

Third day from the time when school reopened.....
School so far is relaxing cause we have not started any lesson yet just introduction.
Repeating reading twilight saga...twilight finished now moving on to new moon, followed by eclipse and breaking dawn.
I hope i have time to read it and enjoying it.
Today i did something real stupid.
Someone just call and ask me a bunch of questions
e.g do you like guy smaller or older than you??
do you want to have stead??
I say i don care for the first and the second i say see how might not be.
Then he moved to ask that if i said i interested in you, would u accept it??
My reply is speechless and then i say haha that the funniest joke i ever heard.
So dumb of me horx to say so...
then she was like hurt or what and say he tired and hung up the phone...
I did not sms or call him after he hung up i think is the best...
Cos a person who cannot love herself how to love others....
reading new moon...nice sia wanting to watch new moon movie which is soon to be shown on cinema....faster pls...

2009-10-16T23:09:00.002+08:00

Today i went to Orchard Central to have my hair cut.
Their service was so great.
Must be wondering why i have the money ba....
Haha i don't have leh...
I used voucher to pay de....
Oh quite short hair...But then quite fashion if style but i think i will be lazy lo...see how ba...
styling needed but without styling is perfect to me also...lol...

Was get scolded today...really get very used to it...
till I don feel anything ler.....
Even when i spoke to them it just felt so sort of speaking to stranger....
Distance felt drifting apart
nvm i don know what to say...

Oh one thing to be certain..
Fate really decide when u die...
My dad escape dead today...luckily indeed...
My brother say very good and then got a big scolding from my mum...
I just smile and get pass it...no comment cause i don know what i should be feeling..
I did show concern by saying u r lucky.., should be glad, Be careful next time....Nothing else ler..
Don't really know what i feel when i say so....

My dad then say about lots of things like financial thingy which bother me little
but i choose to ignore it though...
Oh one thing to be certain
I am always not popular no matter with friend or with relative...
But nvm i accept it ler....

2009-10-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

Scolded by my parent once again....

Don't really know why they liked to scold me so much...

Maybe i did do wrong...

Then they quarrel with one another again....

Feeling are deep inside being affected...

Wanted to cry or to show emotions...

BUT THEN.....

I just hid it inside my heart...

My face expression did not change even though i felt different.....

While i was blogging....They are still quarreling loudly...

Affecting me so deeply....

Felt so sad and useless....Like i was so small that they overlook me....

None of this emotions shown cause it is pointless to do so....

2009-10-14T21:43:00.002+08:00

Feel the sudden urge to blog after being scolded by my Father(chi-chi)

Anger and hatred...Is that what all humans have????

I don't feel any angry or hatred to anyone,which i dared to swear, however i did despise myself.

Haha...ridiculous right???

I really do find that i did hate myself for everything that happen to me.

Don't really know what to say or expect....

When my father lecture me...the thing is that i do not felt at all sad or angry or what so ever...but hate of myself and sad for myself...

Nothing else....No confidence till this situation must be really sad for me....

Puppet we all are, aren't we?

Although we don't like to admit or we don't act like one, we will be one in life no matter what....

Me sort of like being a puppet without any feeling but hate and sad for myself...

Pure is impure; Impure is pure.
Good is bad; Bad is good.
Live is to die; Die is to live.

2009-10-11T01:32:00.002+08:00

Wow....It have been a very long time when i last seen all my friends, Miss them lots.
I have miss out all the fun but then with no regrets, if I picked up the calls, I would also not be able to go.

Just thinking:
Rather than me spoiling the fun of others, I might well miss out all the fun and let others have fun.

Holiday is coming to an end pretty soon.
I don't know what shall I be expecting when school reopens;

Is it for the better or the worse?

I just feel that there is a deep emptiness inside of my heart.
I did try to figure out what causing it but to no valid.

Maybe I was just simply hiding from the truth
Would I be able to handle the problem when I know what is causing it?
I seriously know the answer is NO...

Where is the girl I miss so much?
She is very lost in the mist and I am afraid I won't be able to find her back to me.
Long time have not seen her, Will she give up?
Longing to go back to find her and be her; willingly to forsake who I am now.

Time really indeed change everything.
When you want to regret your decision, It is just too late.
No amendments nothing...What left is memories....

Repeatedly listen to a lot of sad emo songs...but i like few songs in particular....

jams hsiao ---yuan liang wo
Tao jing ying---li kai wo,tai wei qu
kelly clarkson---if no one will listen

These few songs really do describe me well....

How would you feel when you are supposed to be involved in a situation
but then you are the last to know?????
I don't like the feeling of it.

Still into fantasy: anime,novel..
OH, I am repeatedly reading twilight saga once again ...
Thanks to the person who bought me those.

Sorry guys,who you know who,I never get to see you all in these holiday at all.
Although you did call me out, i fail to turn up each time.
To the city harvest, it also been a long time did I turn up.
I have some difficulties in it.

Something meant to be kept rather then spoken.

2009-10-03T00:40:00.002+08:00

After browsing some blogs of others, I felt a little sadness....
Realising that distance is never going to be the same anymore, it drifts further and further apart.
I won't regret making clear of anything even if this is what I get.
To be frank to myself is what really matters.
I must also say that I do not expect this kind of ending, however things is always not what you expected so I don't think there any wrong with my prediction.
Oh I should say that there is always different between one another no matter how hard you did try to fix it, therefore resulting in unfairness.
As we know there is nothing fair in this world so this kind of things is unavoidable.

Reading a novel called LADY'S REVOLUTION....consists of four series
A sparrow is always a sparrow.
I agree to what it says cause no matter how hard you try, sometimes it just do reflect on your efforts.
No matter how hard you did change to phoenix, there is no ways that people will forget that you were once sparrow and you behave also like a sparrow.
Do you think sparrow can become a phoenix?? I don't think is possible.
Whatever will be, it will be...I sort of really take it as this it is ler....
Whether miracle happen or not, it depend on fate and destiny...
Resigning to it ba....

2009-09-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

Just thinking that i should remove the chatbox...LOL
Today is jolly fun...
Ice cream and chocolate is nice..
Recently just finished a novel...
that novel is about girl travel back to time when emperor still present...
With a predict statement from a monk,misfortune fall on her but then was rescued somehow...
The emperor fall in love with her and also a king of some island also love her...haha
she love the king but then the emperor was like so cruel use all kind of trick to get her....including killing the king
she lost her memories when she was so sad that king have died....
luckily but don know why kind never die but then she does not remember him at all...
sad right but then she of all memories remember the statement the monk made which is she is fated to travel around and not be close with any man unless she wan unlucky things befall on her beloved and so she was left alone....
so sad right imagine in the future life she was an orphan but now was like a jinx to everyone who love her....i don think is good or bad cos she look dman gorgoeous...

2009-09-27T21:47:00.002+08:00

Nothing better to do ler....
The anime i like have finished so sian liao....going to be XXXXX10000 boring
this few days having headache and then feeling weird weird de.....my anime...gone....
finally episoide watched today...should i re watch it although 100 plus episode but i loved it to the max....maybe i should....wakakakak

2009-09-26T23:34:00.002+08:00

If a tree fall sick,
you should either try to find a cure for it
or to try your best to care for it;
But not to push to others hoping others to cure it for you
cause you have no confidence or given up.
I feel like I am like the sick tree.....

2009-09-26T00:56:00.002+08:00

Today sort of having mixed feelings....
erm how do I explain i also don know...
just like sort of lost and don know wat i am feeling ba then daydreaming baout unrealistic thingys...
still not yet to face the harsh truth yet so still wandering in my chloe land...
watever the case la...just live it who i am ba...

2009-09-24T16:30:00.003+08:00

Flooding myself with novel...life is still boring like before...
If u love something set it free, if it is meant to be it will come back to you.

nice wording...
erm see the novel and them drama anime...
haha conclusion fate is wat brings everything together.
u cannot run away form fate...when they want u to meet that particular person u will meet somehow although u normally miss one another...

trying to run away form reality????
i think should be or should be not...
i am don know the ans too...just think might be that case ba...
but then i don know la...
seem like i am living just to live and not for nothing else.

2009-09-21T23:38:00.001+08:00

okies I must conclude something real BAD about myself....I am completely HOPELESS and USELESS.
I should not support reason with why is this so...however it just turns out to be so.
Let pray and hope miracle do happen soon on me and also tomorrow would be better.

2009-09-19T00:52:00.002+08:00

I'm right to think so as result have proven.
Sort of being dishearten by the ways it turns out to be when the beginning is full of happiness.
Nothing for me to drool on with, I must definitely live better and do better from who I am when you first met.
Although deep down I know I cannot do better than you in terms of lots of things,I still think that I can try my very best and smile.
My heart is bleeding and deep down I felt that there is an empty bones in my feelings that i cannot describe what I miss.
Despite the fact that I do not know, I still think i will search for the answer till the very end.
The game is not lose when you lose but it lose when you give up.
I don't need XXXXXXXXXX from anyone.
I will try my best to be what I want to be.
Occupying myself with fantasy and fairytale stories, I still think it will be best to believe it as that the matter i am living.
Whatever will be will be so it does not help by thinking so shut up and keep track of whatever will be will be..

2009-09-14T01:01:00.002+08:00

Love isn't about the unhappy tears that go along with it.
Those tears only left my eyes dry and hurt.
Thinking quite a lot of things recently since i always at home and daydream.
Wondering lots of stupid questions in my mind cause those questions are without answers.
Of course, there is always lots of part which i daydream and hope to be...haha such childish horx...
I was just wondering whether i should keep this blog...cos not really at mood of keeping it seem.....
Nvm i am getting used ler....
The more u get use to it, the more u can master it.
Don't care just live with it...that what my goal now...
cos the more u care,the more u hurt or even sad or even XXXX
Blog blog for wat sake leh????
i don get it even myself
I wanna go somewhere which i don't know where...funny isn't it...
i just know that if u don XXXX don XXX like u r. So XXXX
I don like this kinda of ppl...
no one is perfect i know that perfectly including me...but then don be so XXXXXXXXX.

2009-09-08T21:56:00.000+08:00

Can you hear that crystal shoe are laughing?
I am dancing on the floor till my foot is bleeding.

I don't want to leave the limelight, however i still have to cause I am cinderella in disguise.
When the prince found out that She is fake, the prince will search the true one and leave the fake one automatically.

Understand why prince charming need to go through so much troubles to find cinderella??
Happiness is a nice words and everybody wants it but when you want happiness you got to pay for it.

Reading a Chinese novel now, I loved the story inside. How i wished the storyboard will happen on me and i am the female lead. Impossible isn't it?
Fantasy is nice and as beautiful as butterfly.
However, their life are short which meant it is nice but it won't happen in real life. You can dream but you cannot denied it.
But i still wish it will...cos that y i am still living...

Some things no need to be said but to know through heart. Speechless is so powerful than to explain.

2009-09-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

Loner...Anti-social...Freak...
These words occupied my mind during the holiday.
I disliked holiday cause people will have things to do to keep themselves occupied whereas i have nothing to do but stay at home and read books that i borrow from the library.

Such a boring life,isn't it? I asked myself and i know the answer to it pretty well but there is nothing i could do. Reading fantasy book,hoping myself will be the female lead in it and lead a life like them. Ultimately, It is just impossible.

People will meet their fated one through life, which narrow down to people we met.
If you are working as an engineer, you meet engineer kinda of people. If you are working as a teacher,you most probably will meet another teacher. Thinking of that will lead to the harsh truth that fantasy will never happen. Is it possible that a very handsome guy will fall in love with an ugly girl or a normal girl?? I think it is impossible cause the fact is that when you are pretty,you will look for handsome guy so it is compatible. Otherwise betray yourself for the materialize things.

For this blog,posts have been written every now and then by me, however I know the harsh truth is that i am ALONE always. It might seem that i have many friend link, but in fact i link them, they never think of linking me cause i am nothing to them.

No one to go out with, speak to when i need, play with....No one....
Thinking of this, my heart cannot help but bleed. It is such a slow death that it is so much for me to bear. Wondering if it possible that miracle will happen in my life now for me to have confidence and hope in everything.

Holding a smile to my face and act cheerful but deep inside there is a pool of tears that i shred which allow me to be drown.

What i can do is nothing, but to write what i felt on blog and keep putting on a smile and live with it. I wanted to shout out loud that i felt so lonely and alone.
Pathetic isn't it??? I looked in the mirror and smiled.

2009-08-24T17:04:00.001+08:00

Q1. How are you when you had your first relationship?

When I was in secondary one...about 13 ba..

Q2. Are you single/taken?

I am single for long time lerz...haha
Single and available lol..

Q3.Do you like anyone right now?

My family a lot... erm actually got one but then sort of given up as time goes by...
cos it is pointless waiting for something that would never happen

Q4. Ever had your heartbroken?

Definitely yes...to be frank and lot of time..
once i decided to accept things changed...
erm watever the shit is...will try to love with those cos they make u stronger...

Q5. DO you miss anyone right now?

erm not so sure probably not....

Q6. Who was the last person you sent the sms to?

haha...my phone is like a personal family use cos no one will call me normally...haha real loner ba...
so of coruse is my mum...thus the last person who text me is also my mum...

Q7 Last person you saw?

My grandma...got counted ma...
cos whenever i am free or have holiday...
there is onli one place i would go granny house....no one ask me out haix don care...alone is good sometime...

Q8. Who do you trust the most?

Myself and my family ba...haha frankly alway trust ppl too easily ler that y being hurt always haha...nvm that me

Q9. Who had hurt you the most??

erm anyone can do the hurt too...haha but then i tend to forgive ppl easily cos no one is perfect...no matter how badly they hurt me i will forgive so the hurt remain deep...to forgive so won hold hedge so erm no ba...

Q10. Have any tragedy happened in your life??

erm i always in the situation of financial problem haha counted ma...but i treat it as something that give me to grow stronger ler....so erm should be no ba

Q11. Are you happy??

haha i am satisfied with my life ler...although have some financial problem but i believe it will be solved when i grow up so i am happy...just live each day happily cos we don know how much time we have left on this world

Q12. How many good friend you have??

I am not good in socialize not much friend...maybe two ba...or more less than 7 for sure...

Q13. Are there some song whenever you listen will remind you of someone??

yes of course...i don know who won ba...haha but i will listen to it no matter how sad it cause me cos to live with the past it to be live with it like it never happen but make it a lesson

Q14. Have u ever cheated on a partner??

nope...cos i don wan ppl to lie to me so i won do that to others too...
honest is a morale ppl should have so i don wan to throw it away...

Q15. Ever been cheated on?

erm not sure counted or not...but watever the case is past ler ma should just let it go..

Q16. Ever been told someone love you?

erm should be yes...but i don know they mean it or not cos once being hurt find it hard to trust the same person again...don u all think so???

Q17. WHat is you idea of true love??

haha everyone got different definition
i think true love is like onli see you and u onli see him...and then be good to you and care for u...selflessly

Q18. Do you believe in love at first sight??

yes of course. i believe in fate and so i think our relationship is already set.

Q19. Do you think is best to start a relationship with friends??

erm that a weird question...how can u devote urself to someone which u don know...like i saw a stranger at first sight then stead ler...wth i don like the idea...

Q20. If i give u three wishes wat would that be??

haha.. erm first arh i hope i can make ppl around me smile happily not not sad..
second arh...peaceful life ba no disaster no war no disease watever shit la just peace.
third arh fairy tale do exist and then i in female lead lol..funny horx

haha not much friend so hard to find someone to tagged
yung sin tagged me so i tagged wan ping, yu yun and eddie and erm i not sure ler...lol

2009-08-24T17:04:00.000+08:00

2009-08-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

ISn't it pain for the shell to have things in their belly??
NO matter what they do, they would feel uncomfortable and fidget around.
Ultimately, the sand inside their belly will turn to pearl but they would never see it or know how beautiful they are..
Would it be a regret???
Just like mother, they carries sort of a child in them and then deliver it.
the changes is they would never see the child of theirs.
how harsh it is for them...
Imagine it make me felt painful...
Maybe that why pearl are no beautiful and some is priceless cause they are make up of the tears the shell shred.

2009-08-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, I felt the urge to blog..cos i am XXXXX.
First of all, sincerely apologies to ys and wp....
they were panic for the emd project due to my carelessness.
I tot i deleted the project away cos my thumb drive caught virus and i reformat...
Then i ask my friend to send me their so i can edit and then use it...
thanks jy for going so so much troubles to ask form ur friend and one person who go the extra effort of finding recover my file program to send me...although i did not get a chance to use or to receive that file but then u did help me...thanks
Sort of to mend my mistakes....cos i felt so bad and so ....
luckily i back up without my notice but i put in another folder so i tot i deleted it...
i search for it and found it which is lucky....
thanks lady of luck...pls smile on me always...
After that, i wanted to send them the project but then the stupid internet give me problems.
I have tried about 30 minutes to send the project using msn and hotmail multiple of times but none are successful.
i cannot send them at all
i just cannot upload the file..so i forward the file my friend send me to them...
i felt so guilty, bad,sorry and sad when i tot i deleted it...
i did cry, i must admit cos i jsut felt .....
nvm i don know wat to say ler...just felt bad till now...

i just want to say that i am wrong about believing in miracles do happen.,...
it just do not...
beautiful things are like butterfly..
they will shine brightly but end soon too,like their life...
example...
beautiful girl will turn eventually turn old or ugly
things will change..
i don believe in XXXX anymore cos it is just lies...

U don know how much u have hurt someone when u r not in their position...
i am truly deeply felt hurt
Heart is like bleeding profusely...hard to recover..
even if it did the scald wont fade away...
it will remain forever....

2009-08-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

Things have changed dramatically, Sometime it is hard to adapt to changes.
I was basically daydreaming all day blah...
WOw...stress so many project...
Today i go to see dental...erm maybe my tooth is not pain de..now go ler become pain liao...wth...so pain sia..
erm i also buy a new pair of slipper...i think is nice...
haha lots of ppl ask me whether i have an fever or wat cos i was like changing myself ...
erm actually i don't know myself too...
i just know i wanted a change

erm super real thing i think is true..
don drool on the past
the beautiful things in life.
the promises the beautiful lies
it time to let go when u need to and lead a wonderful and better life!!!

2009-07-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

Drenched in the torrential rain...
Feet is wet and heavy....
Tears welled up on my face but i hid with a smile...
How does it feel like to be able to smile happily, i have long lost this feeling....
Wishing...Hoping...
does it exist???
Miracle would not happen at all....so does fairy tales...
It is silly and naive for one to believe in those cause they are not there and forever won't be too...
Do you think life will end as happy ending or like what drama seem to be showing???
The answer is a definite No....

First of all, when you have are poor..do you believe u will marry some one rich???
erm thnking it is impossible..okies let say if there is do you think it will last....there a huge gap u see...
Even the guy don't mind do u really think u can get over with this with the family families or relatives???

Secondly, do u think when u are alone and then when u wish or pray fairy godmother will really exist???
haha it is just so ridiculous...

what i want to say is that life is harsh and not fair always...
don't u ever think is fair cos it is never fair...
do u think everybody is born which fair lives nope is not....some born in silver spoon while some not....
hate the harsh world...
sometime felt so tired till i was wished to be alone in my own world and do what i want...
Never want to grow up...
like i say 18 is not sweet it a beginning of larger responsibility and hurt and tears...
Blog for what...how i know cos nvm...i don't want to face the fact that i am XXXXX.
Whatever it is, it have changed for the worse....
X XXX XXX XXX XXXX XXXXXXX....
X XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XX XXX XXX...

2009-07-07T21:20:00.002+08:00

I can't really describe what i am feeling.

People said 18 is the starting of a new chapter of a life and also a beautiful life, but i doubt so.

To me, 18 is just a starting of bigger responsibility.

Face the fact, the life is not a bed of roses.

Sometime each footsteps seem to be heavy and hard to move forward.

Drifting us further form the mindset when we are young or we once had, it make us change.

Whether it is for the better or the worse, it is up to individual.

Nobody is perfect but then we seem to be looking for a perfect person. How contradicting it is.

I wanted to go to the beach, to feel the sea breeze and leaving small footsteps behind the sand.

Let the wind take away all the doubts and every unwanted things.

Let the sea take away all the troubles like how it create ripple.

Raining in my heart ...

Thinking and doubting whether i will be able to see rainbow after rain.

2009-07-04T00:42:00.003+08:00

FInally,relax time.....

It had been a week since i last blog.

A stressful week indeed,each day is occupied with one examination,with the mindset of studying hard to pass the examination or to get good grade.

It is just so tiring cause even if you don't want to study,You will be forced to do so,due to pressure from the external.

Afterall,i would not say that i did put in a lot of effort cause i was actually playing and relaxing rather than really stressing for it.

I also cannot deny the fact that a minimum effort have been put in.

Wishing for something deep inside my heart.
Hoping for it to happen.

oh i forgot to mention that my aunt have given birth toa baby boy during the exam period.

Baby is indeed so cute,however the process of giving birth is so scary or painful i would say.

After giving brith, you still need to suffer cause there is a lot of food cannot be eaten. THey also cannot bath after giving birth.

Not nly this, take care of baby is so tiring. Every three hours wake up to feed the baby, imagine that you are so weak and you cannot even have a proper rest,it just so pathetic.

However, when you see the baby is delievered, you just cannot hide a mixed feeling that is reveal inside of you.

More motherly ones have become and also the feeling of happiness between the husband,the baby and the wife is so overwhelmed.

Mother is so noble i shall say, giving without asking for any return in their life for the family and worrying about every single problem that arise.

Everyone deserves to be happy, it apply to everybody regardless you are poor or ugly or pretty etc.

You should be proud if you are poor, it was because you learn much more thing than those who are rich. If you are not poor, there will not be rich people.
IF no one is ugly, there will be no one in the world that are pretty.

NO matter how poor or how pretty or how ugly your are, your inner beauty which is the heart alwaYS shine the brightest from you.

2009-06-20T23:18:00.021+08:00

THANKS TO ALL WHO MAKE IT POSSIBLE!!!
Yu yun,Eddie,Hui Xiang,City harvest, secondary school friend(jun ming,bingxian,keng,keith,zhao jing,kenny),jun cheng and louis(hope never spell wrongly)

SOrry leh!!! make u shop shop so long....psps....THANKS

Present i received....
thanks a lot
I would not say who give de la....dance performance from kenny!!
Most usable+++shoe,Harddisc
Most fashionable+++Shirt,Jewel,purse
Most beauty+++The eliminator
MOst CUte+++the teddy bear

bu hao yi si let u all spend money elr for the prsent and the time to shop too....
thanks

Best birthday!!!
I am so happy......

Third surprise!!
My uncle bought cheese cake!!
THis celebrate my mum and mine birthday.
Family celebrating for me. This is so rare!!
All the efforts due to my uncle,nevertheless i felt so happy...Thanks alot!!

Second Surprise
On the day of my birthday!!!
Meet to play badminton with about four members only.
They went to bathe after badminton which is normal,right?? SO i never expected them to have this surprise party for me.
They invited my secondary school friends back to school to celebrate for me.
Miss them lots...
Nice to have you all celebrating for me and nice to see you all!!!
After the party, we went to K Room at moberly.
Rock the room to the maximum have great great fun!!!

First surpirse
City harvest celebration for my birthday!!!
SO many people helping me to celebrate...people i know people who i don't know...
first time in my life....

Birthday card received from people....
The words written inside is meaningful..
Should take a long time to think and write ba...thanks a lot...
It also take a long time to design and draw too...

WHENEVER YOU ARE FEELING LOW OR EMPTY,
LOOK UP THE SKY

AND YOU WILL FIND THAT

NO MATTER HOW DARK THE NIGHT SEEM,
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE STARS SHINING.
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A WAY OUT OF THE DARKNESS.

2009-06-14T18:59:00.002+08:00

Today i am super tuper surprised...
I mean i have a small birthday celebration from friend at city harvest.
It does not matter how big or small i just think i am truly really happy...
cos i don have a birthday party before....so i was surprised and also touched....
sincere is wat i think is the most impt....i thanks them all for these....
gift from them are a teddy bear with a necklace ....
erm and yan fei ask von to pass me something too almost she is not be able to make it today...
thanks for all your blessing it have reached me and i am truly happy... domo arigato
gonna to work hard ler...i won give up de thanks all....

2009-06-06T12:29:00.002+08:00

Been a long time since i last blog....
I still return to the state who i am haha...no moving forward or backward but then i found the real me....
haha that a great part isn't it....
I will gambateh ...
i am me and this won't change the fact even though i am sad or angry or happy....
i am still me....
so i will be just me and nothing else...living for myself and not others...
i am always quiet and hid inside of me....
this is me and i realise ler....

2009-05-27T20:30:00.003+08:00

Today i saw a so KAWAi phone...
.a hello kitty phone at jurong damn nice sia....
erm haha hundred pass ...
ask for fun de la cos i don even have the money to buy..
damn nice sia...

2009-05-21T10:31:00.002+08:00

Standing in the middle of the road,passengers walk pass me. I am lost in the busy street.

Direction is a mstery.

People who i don't know,chatting happily and laughing heartedly.

As for me,standing alone,without people offering help and also no one to ask from help from.

Basically is just alone.

Wandering without a direction to go is painful.

I really don't know what to do or where should i be heading to.

It is just wrong to make decision now.

I really not sure la....

Just totally confused...

Promises are not meant to be last....

I hate promises....

Don't ever make promises if you know it will be broken no amtter what.

I am living each day without any mindset of what i am living for

2009-05-14T00:38:00.003+08:00

Finish what you have started on,even if you failed you won't be considered as a loser.
That what a friend told me when i first entered to polytechnic.
This quote seem like getting more and more related to my daily lives now.
I really felt so pessimistic about studies, cause i don't seem to get anything right.
Is it the lecturer fault or my attitude fault???
I have no idea but a fact i know is that,i study just for sake of studying and not really interest.
Now the studies is so in depth to machines,IC chips,Electronics etc...it is freaking me out....
Got that mindset that i am not going to do well for this year....
Felt so useless and i don't know what i can do to make me feel better...
Can't seem to study as it just make me restless and felt like crying....
detest it???seem like not a wise thing to do but i can't help to feel so....
Show me the way and light soon ba...
haix

2009-05-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

Just involved myself with reading twilight series over and over again....
Simply just can't put the book down when i have free time....
School wise ma....erm hard to say.....
Don't seem to cope with it,however i also don't bother much....
So far so good ba...
I got lot to blog but i forgt liao....wakakakak

2009-05-04T01:06:00.002+08:00

About one week i never blog ler....
Busy with reading books...
don't get the wrong idea not school thingy...i don't bother cos it look hard...
i am reading twilight,new moon,eclipse,breaking dawn..
again and again...
more than 6 times ler...and now i start form book one again...
so nice sia the book...
cos Edward is too cool liao then Bella too fortunate ler...
lol
so far so good...
cheers cheers jiayou jiayou...GAMBATEH.....

2009-04-22T20:42:00.003+08:00

I slept in lecture hall today.
Stress and exhausted.
Tired of everything.
Family....
School....
Is already bothering me a lot.
Problem add to problem...the ball just keep rolling and ended up having a bigger problem.
Defeated badly by it....
Affected by it....
Parents don't care...
Unfairness from them...
World is unfair...don't blame them....
I always not the one...I knew it at the very beginning so should not try to have any hope about it....

2012
The worse radiation by the sun indirectly will caused up to death....
Days without electricity and communication,would we survive???
In this modern society,electricity is important.
Industries,computer,lights,fans,refrigerator etc need electricity...
Wondering how we survive...
affected mostly European countries....
The midnight will be filled by colorful lighting. Followed by flickering of the lights and eventually the light will be switch off.
The earth will be in darkness.
Radiation can caused a lot of harm...
Watching KNOWING,the movie, really let us understand the nature is never to be underestimated.
Nature is powerful without u knowing.....

2009-04-21T20:10:00.002+08:00

I am so so so stressssss......
Felt myself trying hard to avoid problems and not facing it....
It just get worse and worse....
I know that no one is at fault about this situation and they had gave their best....
I have no right to blame them or what but blame myself....
Realize something that are always the harsh truth and i really felt myself defeat in front of it....
I cannot cope with studies at all...super lost and super no mood for it....
Really have many thoughts that i going to fail badly for all as i don't even follow the lesson at all....
I gave up completely....let the harsh facts wash over me bah....
Trying to smile and be happy when people was around me....
I don't want others to be affected by me...maybe i am stupid to think so......
I just hide everything till when i was alone the pain just overbearing for me....
SO pain that i will cry in pain and i am losing myself....
I don't want to trouble people at all....
I lose everything to time and there is not turning back. things will no loner be the same anymore...
Really so so so so tired that i really want to have a break of everything and have some fresh air....
however not really that possible as it seems.

2009-04-19T22:11:00.002+08:00

Holiday ending and tomorrow is the start of school, having a lot of feeling about it.
Mixed feelings which i don't really know what are they.
Having that tension that i will not do well for the modules.
I will behold the thinking that I am always happy no matter how hard the situation is.
If I don't have that kind of mindset, I might already break down.
Don't dare to dream, just hoping all the obstacles that i faced might just disappear.
Unfairness is everywhere in this world....
Don't blame yourself or others for it cause the blame will never find anyone to be blamed on.
Just be yourself and enjoyed the lives you are given with....

2009-04-13T22:07:00.003+08:00

I went to Acer company servicing today.
I reached there about 2.30 pm and i waited for my numbers to be called.
It was called by around 5 pm. WOWWOW...
Imagine one person stone there for two hours plus without anything to do.......
Therefore i was like drinking the distilled water very 30 minutes.....LOL
I have a battery replace cos mine is spoilt like hell ler...
haha...
troubled about something in my mind but nvm....

2009-04-13T00:03:00.003+08:00

Easter day

I went to the city harvest church.
The drama really impact me a lot,tears was about to roll down my cheek but i fought back.
I don't want to shred tears easily like before.
Hoping for a change.
Just pray hard.
Then we go to jurong point.
Oh tell you what today is also the first time i eat subway.
Not really happy but never mind lives is about to change ba.....

2009-04-11T21:41:00.003+08:00

Things do not help by telling me....

It just make me feel so fustrated and useless....

whatever the case....

just give me a quiet moment....

anything larz.....given up!!!

2009-04-09T23:58:00.003+08:00

Yesterday online....
They suggested to watch the sniper, due to me being difficult and unreasonable, fast and furious 4 and knowing was suggested by me.

Due to my clumsiness again, i sms them without specific details;
Resulting in misunderstanding in the place to watch the movie.
When we meet up, we were still deciding what movie to watch.
After discussion, we decided to watch knowing.

Summary of the movie,Knowing........

The movie is about numbers which tell us the future.
During the opening ceremony of an elementary school,
the student were asked to predict what the future will be like 50 years time
and draw it out.
A particular girl, she just wrote numbers all over the page.
Then they buried the time capsules underground and
to be opened after 50 years time.
A boy during the 50th anniversary take the drawing drawn by the girl
which is all numbers.
Things happened according to what the numbers were written
(Exact location, date, number of death).
It predicted that the doom day will be coming and everybody will die.
Two survivors are chosen to be alive so as to reproduce and carry on the mankind.
The father of the boy knows that doom day is coming,
however he had no choice but to face the death after much trying to survive.
He went to his family and die with them.

After watching the movie, we went to eat Japanese food.
To my surprise, Kenny is working there.
After that,we walked to yew tee mac and have a small chit chat.
We talked about our opinions on the movie and some other stuff.

Questions run through my mind after watching the movie...

If it is really doom day tomorrow, What would I want to do?????
If doom day is coming and everyone knows it, what would the world be like?????
After the catastrophic disaster, you are the one and only survivor;
would you choose to live on or to die????
Can we really start the whole society like we are now after the disaster???
(I mean we are just so pampered and we really
cannot take hardship compared to our ancestors.)
Given a way to die, what would i choose to die from and with who????
Are we really prepared to face doom day and die????
After we die, where we will be????

Lots and lots of questions run through my mind....

After much thinking, I think that:

After all, life is unpredictable.
Past is past, all it left were memories and
we cannot travel back to time like we wished we can.
The 'you' in five second before is already gone and does not exist.
Does it means memories is meaningless????
The answer is NO.....
No one can live without memories or past;
it makes us experience different favors of lives.
Without it, we are just like zombie;living without any emotions.

Watching this show makes me treasure my lives to the fullest and don't take things for granted.
Accidents happened everywhere and every time; death and everything is fated.
All we need to do now is to smile and live happily.

The movie is nice as it lead us to think about a lot of things that might happen in the future. I did not regret watching Knowing.
Recommend for everyone to see.Today i feel good to be alive and happy that I have gone out.

2009-04-07T20:13:00.001+08:00

Observant???
I can hereby said that i am not observant for anything.
I am just clumsy as always.
Just finished an anime which have 26 episodes in two days...haha....
when i am addicted i have the will ....lol...

2009-04-06T00:19:00.002+08:00

yvonne gift

yan fei gift....

I went to visit my grandma today.

Playing wii there and also have my lunch there.

Then i went to meet yvonne and yan fei at clementi with yy hx and jc.

Having a chit chat and have meal at sumo( don know got spell wrongly ma)

erm yvonne treat us...thx...arigato...

then she pass me a gift too...nice...cos i love jj..

yan fei also last time pass me jj thingy...lol

2009-04-01T20:46:00.002+08:00

Yesterday kanna drag to go swimming....wat a hilarious thing to find that my swimming suit is again lend to my mum....=x
pity my swimming suit siao.....wawawa.....
but then i am no mood for everything therefore i kanna drag but then i go there do nothing and just sort of suntan in the water again....
more tan liao i don wan siao...haix....

nothing else to blog i have not idea at all.....
watever

2009-03-29T14:10:00.001+08:00

Bought two tubs of ice cream which are 1 litres each.
One favor is chocolate and the other is chocolate chip mint.
I finish it in one day...
yummy i love ice cream..

2009-03-29T00:42:00.003+08:00

世上只有一位灰姑娘，只有她才可以被王子爱上，
其余的都是假冒的，
用欺骗得到的喜欢只有那么短短的一瞬间而已。。。。。
等王子一发现，他会毫不犹豫的从她身
边离去，继续去寻找真正的灰姑娘。

我仿佛是假冒的灰姑娘。。。。
孤单是一个人的懦弱，
我虽懦弱。。。。但我不会让别人因我自私而被影响。

心如所预期的一样，盼望已没意义。
我以前的想法是错的，真的不会有我想象中那样美。
事实是残酷的，事事不能两全其美，所以我别无所求。
我知道会是那么一回事了。

孤单并不可怕，时间久了，孤单会便成喜爱。
我不知道我能不能让自我走出但我知道无论如何我还是我，不会因孤单而影响决定。
在舞会盘旋着，我终究会有自己的属于。
我会尝试不压抑自己。

愿我身旁的人，无论是周围的人或是陌生人，都会是真正的会姑娘。
不需要拥有世界才是幸福，幸福其实很简单。
但我们往往会看到自己得不到的东西而忽视自己所有的。
在分享自己所有的东西时，我们有时会忽略那人的感受。

2009-03-28T00:23:00.003+08:00

Past is conquering me.
I know it very well that is why that hold me from moving on.
The me now i have changed but then deep inside i have not.
people said that i been hiding my inner self inside me but i really don know what to do.
I don't dare to express and then to really express my inner self cos it might not be one i recognize or too depressed or what....
i am lost i have not idea what i wanted....
I blame myself for my selfish and everything that are wrong and all those.
I being direct cos time is what they lead u to nicer place and i wish for everyone too.
Don wan any chance to lose by...

i don't know wati am saying i just know i am very =x....
i don know the feeling like heart sad sad de but not sad i don know la.....
i don know how to overcome the past and the situation to beat myself and then to move on....
guess maybe i will be like that or wat....
i cannot face myself with my own heart cos it just have an undesirable feeling of empty and erm sad and watever la.....

2009-03-20T17:15:00.002+08:00

Omg...
I was ging to write down how i pass the day bafter watching the movie...
traumatise by it that i never sleep whole night...gaming then see movie then read book veyrhting whole night canno tslp...haix...
i don have he habit of slping at afternoon or wat...cannot slp although eye damn tied but brain veyr the awake and alert....=x
an hrox today i go see doctor cause i got eye infection...walau siao...
eye infection now swollen de so pain siao...wawawa